What’s happenin, y’all? This week, we bendin over for da man with “The Handmaid’s Tale,” by Margaret Atwood. The sh*t’s gone ham up in da USA, where a crew of Bible-thumpin honkies brought down da government, took a sh*t on the constitution, and now they runnin da game wit a new society called Gilead. And up in G-town, da man always hatin on women. They can’t own property, work, learn, nothin. They just get tossed in a house and gotta do whatever they told. And since mutha Earth been f**ked by pollution, syphilis, and all kinda other mess, most women can’t pop out babies no mo. To keep da human race alive, some women are captured and turned into Handmaids — which are basically baby-makin sex slaves. This story followin da life of Offred. Girl tried to bail to Canada wit her fam, but she got got by da fuzz and brought to da Reeducation Center, where they gonna brainwash her into a true-blue handmaid. Offred eventually becomes da handmaid for some brotha named Commander Fred, who she gotta get buck nasty wit while layin on his wife, Serena. And ain’t nobody enjoyin themselves at all. What Serena don’t know though, is dat da Commander and Offred been chillin like she mo than jus his booty call. They doin da kinkiest things you can think of — scrabble and magazine readin. Mmm-mmm! Offred ain’t really feelin their little date nights, but she go along with it anyway. One day, Offred out shopping with a sista named Ofglen when she like “Psst — say girl, keep this on the DL, right? But I’m a member of da resistance called “Mayday” and we tryna stick it to them Gilead haters.” Pissed dat a bitch ain’t gotten preggers yet, Serena say she’ll give Offred info on her long-lost daughter if she bangs the gardener, Nick. Serena wanna get rid of Offred real bad. Turns out, diddling Nick’s dangle is pretty sweet, and they start bangin on da reg. Later, Offred get word dat Ofglen offed herself cuz she was afraid da secret police were comin to get her. When Serena found out dat Offred hittin da club wit her hubby, girl gets mad crunk. Not long after, two bustas roll up in a van to take Offred away. But, Nick say, “Don’t trip, girl. They actually Mayday members comin to save yo ass.” So, Offred get tossed in dat van, not knowin whether she bout to be freed or get wrecked. Da book end wit a section called “Historical Notes.” Bout two centuries later, some stuffy-ass professor talkin bout Gilead, and da fact dat “The Handmaid’s Tale” might be a bunch of bullsh*t. Da hell? Now, if you dun peeped dis text, you might be askin yourself — Why da hell is this story all janky and out of order? Da main character, Offred — even though dat ain’t her real name — tellin this story like she time trippin or somethin. Well there’s a good reason for that, homeboy. Like Offred herself tellin us, “I’m sorry there is so much pain in this story. I’m sorry it’s in fragments, like a body caught in a crossfire or pulled apart by force.” Da structure of dis novel is all jacked up, cuz that’s exactly how Offred feelin — broken, tore up, and confused as hell as to how everything in da world went to sh*t. Sure, Atwood givin us explicit reasons everything’s so twisted — like pollution and syphilis, but there’s more to it than that, padna. Think of dis book like a thought experiment, where Atwood takin common ignorant thoughts bout women, like “women should stay in their place,” and show us where dat kinda hateful thinkin can lead us. When you got a whole society tryna put women in a box like that, it gonna make em into empty, choiceless drones dat don’t serve no purpose other than poppin out babies. Sh*t, you can peep dat dehumanizing effect by the fact that Offred ain’t even got a real name. Girl feelin like she already dead. “All the people I could love are dead or elsewhere… They might as well be nowhere, as I am for them. I too am a missing person.” In the end, everything looks like it turned out aight. Or does it? We get some uppity professor yappin bout Offred’s story like it’s da distant past. But on da real, he usin da same kinda woman-hatin logic, sayin dat her story probably ain’t even legit. And that’s the same whack-ass jive dat turned the USA in to Gilead. So truth is, this book just straight-up depressing as hell. But chin up, homeboy, cuz dat subscribe button is still there to cheer yo ass up. So, hit it and catch me next week, playas. Peace.