self-sabotaging? Are you
ambivalent and conflicted
about that promotion?
A part of you really wants it,
because of the: – acknowledgement
of your contribution – because of
having more power to do things your way
– because of the prestige that comes with a
higher ranking position on the
organizational ladder – and of course
the pay raise – who wouldn’t
want that? But then
on the other hand: – who wants that
extra hassle? – who wants to
deal with difficult team members?
– who wants to be between a
rock and hard place, which is the lot
of any manager especially
mid-management level which is probably
where you are or desire to be
plus – the longer hours…
not that you are slacking now
but still, you’d have to
set an example for everybody else…
that sounds very nice in theory
but in practice it is extremely destructive
to one’s personal life… So many pros
and cons… Are you sure
you’re settled on the pros?
we’ll find out… PLUS:
the daunting task of asking your
boss for feedback – but with a twist that
would surprise you! Hi, I’m the BossProblemBuster, founder of
the Pay Raise Commando. We train passed-over corporate professionals,
like you, to get that pay raise or promotion you deserve ,
so that you can finally kill your Monday blues, and bring your
inner joy back! which is the best part of my job and the goal
of this channel: kill your Monday blues, and bring your inner joy back!
ok let’s go … The no. 6 DO (out of 8)
right after being passed over for a
promotion or a pay raise or both
is: 6. Check your attitude:
Do you really want it? (the promotion)
Are you self-sabotaging? are you ambivalent
about getting that promotion?
Nobody can ever be ambivalent
regarding a pay raise, but a promotion –
that’s different: Yeah the title is nice –
the higher it is on the organizational
hierarchy the most prestigious it is.
It boost your ego it creates a bit of a
power dynamics that tilts your way
with everybody around you (even if implicit)
plus, it easily seeps into you’re out-of-work life: getting a date as a manager is easier
then as an entry level, junior
employee (at least for men)
so that’s another pro With this mix of pros and cons
you have to make sure you really want it –
and if not that’s absolutely fine!
(I’ll do a video about that sometime
because there are many employees who are pressured
implicitly or explicitly by their peers
their family their friends
or just the omnipresent culture of vertical achievement
that is the supposed epitome of corporate success
(and therefore success as a whole)
and note I say SUPPOSED because it really doesn’t have to be)
so if you don’t really want a promotion
and you’re doing it just because you think
you should be doing it two things will happen:
(a) your ambivalence will be apparent to everybody around you your boss, especially,
will know you’re just going through the motions so… faking it! Because people who really want a promotion
who have that fire in them that very specific kind of drive…
it really shows and in contrast
it’s very clear when somebody does not have it (b) if you happen to get that promotion you
didn’t really want (and this can happen sometimes when the position
needs to be filled urgently and there are no other compatible candidates
other than you) so if you happen to get a promotion you didn’t
really want in THIS way you are going to be
both miserable and an underperformer.
you’re just not going to be successful and you might even get fired
the moment they realize you suck! or
the moment they can find someone
to replace you (which they will be
looking for frantically)
So… not a good idea… Which is why
you really must be honest with yourself (and with your boss)
as to whether a promotion is something you truly desire
and whether you can indeed produce results for both you AND the company.
There are other ways to get a pay raise. It doesn’t necessarily has to be vertical
promotion. Moving on
The no. 7 DO – and second to last –
right after being passed over for a promotion or a pay raise or both
is: 7. ask for feedback – but with a twist
which is: don’t expect
to get a real one! instead, your goal with this feedback is quite
the reverse as we’ll explore in a moment.
But first, we need to get rid of a
preliminary problem which is probably
the fact that the mere suggestion of asking your boss for
a feedback is probably giving you the shivers…
You may be thinking: “you want me to do what? ask for feedback
and without even expecting to get a real one? So why even bother?
It’s not like it’s fun for me going into my boss’s office asking for a one-on-one meeting
in these circumstances of just being passed over
by this very same boss…” I soooo hear you.
I would have said the same if I were you but remember
I’m on your side. I have a plan:
The goal of such a meeting is completely different! Hear me out!
Right now, you’re in a state of shock
and are not sure as to what to do next or
where to go from here [which is why you’re here on my channel: TO know] so
if you’re like most people in this kind of inner turmoil
you would tend not to challenge your boss on
his or her decision to pass you over
thinking “what is there to say?
the boss has spoken loud and clear
through his or her decision not to promote me.
why would I to go through this
yet another humiliation by asking for a feedback?
I got the feedback: I was tossed aside!
that’s all the feedback I need
thank you very much!” again I totally hear you
and again: I’m on your side and you promised to
hear me out. I’m not done yet!
Listen, this feedback-with-a-twist
ties in perfectly to what we’ve talked about in part 2 of this
series where I showed you why you should be a
“bad boy” employee and how to do it right.
remember the paradox of the “good boy” and the “bad boy”
with the analogy to parents and kids…?
Well it all comes together now [I love it when a plan comes together]:
if you indeed as most people in your position would
refrain from initiating a meeting with your boss then
this lack of challenge from you to your boss, means that you are
condemning yourself to be relegated by him or her
to the “good boy” employee status, which is completely counterproductive to your
end goal which is
never ever being passed over again which means
come next opportunity for a promotion
and/or pay raise it MUST be in the bag!
your bag! Therefore,
you can’t afford to be tagged
in your boss’ mind as a “good boy” employee because,
as you know by now, this would mean
you are doomed: You’re NOT getting
that next promotion and/or pay raise because there will
always be some “bad boy” employee asserting themselves
to your boss in a consistent
and unrelenting manner until they get it. And when they do
guess who gets screwed all over again?!
[and by the way this tagging process
in your boss’s mind is subconscious
which makes it even more dangerous to you] And if you’re willing
to let this happen after everything you’ve been through
with that workplace snub that you got: what have we been doing here for the last
2-3-4 videos of this Masterclass? Have you heard
nothing I’ve said? Look, it is your prerogative. I’m telling
you how to win, but if you don’t want it
badly enough to be bothered going outside of your
comfort zone (by initiating a
one-on-one with your boss) then maybe you should rewind
and check the previous DO (DO no. 6) about a potential ambivalence
you may have regarding truly wanting that promotion…
But for those of you who are still with me who are not ambivalent who are not bowing
out who want to go for the win –
I’m here for you so let’s move on:
so THIS “do” (no. 7 out of 8) is: ask for feedback
– but with a twist
and it’s time to reveal the full twist:
it is a two-fold twist: (a) I’ve already mentioned ask for feedback
BUT without expecting to get a real one – and here comes the big reveal – drum roll
please – (b) the second part of the twist is:
Your goal is not for your boss to give YOU feedback
but for you to give your BOSS feedback –
don’t freak out let me explain what I mean.
Your goal is to be tagged in your boss’s mind
(consciously and/or subconsciously) as a “bad boy” employee
thus, one whom must be appeased
to keep the industrial peace
in the team and the department
as a whole. You do that by implementing the amalgamation
of everything we’ve covered which – all put together –
is now your superpower let me prove it to you:
(I’m building your confidence to do this you know that right)
You have the effective mental infrastructure we’ve laid in the first 3 Dos:
1. Understand your boss’ psychology and how it can work to your advantage
2. be a “bad boy” employee 3. getting the “bad boy” employee mentality
right Then you have the tools for implementation
with DO number 4 Express Your Distress
and DO number 5
Assert yourself – to your boss and colleagues alike
(If you need to brush up on any of these – no problem – just pause now
go back to parts one two and three
of this series -it’s up here-
and then come back.) On top of all that
you have DO no. 6 we’ve just covered
in this video of checking your attitude regarding promotion
to make sure you really want it and you’re not
self-sabotaging. So… you can absolutely do it – you have
everything you need to do this DO no. 7
of asking your boss for feedback but with a Twist
so all this iteration of your superpower
was to convince you you can do it
hopefully I’ve managed to do it and now I’ll show you exactly how.
Here is the precise sequence you need to execute as soon as possible:
Step 1. (there are 13) step into your boss’s office and set up a
one-on-one meeting in the very near future
as in today, tomorrow, another time this week, next week tops .
Step 2. If your boss enquires as to what’s the urgency and what it’s about
– have this come back ready to shoot out:
“It’s in regard to you passing me over
and it’s urgent for obvious reasons”.
make sure you speak in a very respectful and non-combative manner this is crucial:
You’re not there to burn the bridges –
you’re there to make your stance known. (there’s a big difference)
Note this step perfectly implements the “bad boy” mentality
in both the “what” and the “how”:
a. the “what”: Going in there
requesting a meeting – that’s already asserting yourself
then the addition of “it’s urgent for obvious reasons”
is pure “bad boy” because you are not saying anything regarding
your plans for the future (which, just between the two of us, you are not sure
of yourself) but you are making it clear that you are weighing
your situation post being passed over
and that you’re not taking it lying down. BUT… careful!
don’t overdo it! be sure to remember
and implement the DON’Ts we’ve covered in another video
of what NOT to do right after
being passed over (this series is about what to do): and that is among other things:
do not leave and
do not or threaten to leave. so that’s the “what’
b. the “how” that perfectly implements the
“bad boy” mentality is: the respectful,
non-combative manner (which should always be present
when communicating with your boss).
AND another crucial don’t from the what NOT to
do video is: don’t be passive-aggressive in any way shape
or form. Ok, step no. 3 in this sequence:
3. Do your homework: prepare yourself for the meeting
as if for a performance review.
The “what” in this step is: Make a case for why you deserved that promotion and or pay
raise: map your
unique contribution to relevant metrics of the department’s success
(which is of course your boss’s success). The How of this step:
be concise and factual – not emotional
and by ’emotional’ I mean no overt displays of emotions
other than some natural distress
(as is expected in your situation)
as we’ve discussed before. so… no whining of any sort, please, and
for sure: Absolutely no crying! Step 4. In the sequence of asking your boss
for feedback but with a twist is: Update colleagues that are bound to see you
going into the meeting, about it,
ahead of time, and right after.
This way, you can be “ahead of the story” as it is called in PR
(public relations) meaning you proactively move the narrative:
i.e. you are taking control over what they think is going on with you and your boss,
rather than allowing the Grapevine to circulate unsubstantiated rumors that may not serve
you. when speaking to those colleagues
don’t go into details of what you’re going to say,
nor afterwards, of what your boss said exactly. why? 3 reasons:
a. It’s none of their business b. You don’t want to commit yourself
one way or the other because you don’t know how it’s going to
play out exactly and you don’t want to make an idiot out of
yourself by going in with a bang and coming out with
a whimper. Unless of course we’re talking about colleagues
who are real friends, in which case
by all means share everything you feel comfortable sharing.
c. Regarding the “after”: (what you share with your colleagues after
the meeting with your boss) You need to be careful about what you share because you need
to be discreet : You don’t want your boss to think you’re a
“kiss and tell” kind of guy or gal
[and surely you understand I’m using this idiom figuratively only]
ok, now to The meeting itself:
5. Be sure you have the door closed, for privacy and your phone turned off (for obvious reasons).
Step 6. Start with a statement regarding how disappointed
and surprised and upset you were
to find out you were passed over.
Take a breath and see if your boss reacts to this declaration.
If so – listen carefully to fully understand what is being said so that you can answer
accordingly If not – go on to the next step. Step 7. Ask directly:
why not me??? say it without stuttering without flinching
and without fidgeting – just look your boss
straight in the eye and say it!
Do not express it in a tone of blame,
but of an enquiry: You really want to know why not you.
then pause and wait for the answer to come.
Step 8. If the answer is as probability suggests meaning some b*******
sweet-talking gibberish of how difficult it was
to choose between you and the other guy or girl,
how wonderful you are blah blah and/or trying to divert from directly addressing
the issue to blaming outside pressures from superiors
– whatever it is: address it accordingly. Don’t be afraid to show you don’t buy what
is being said, or you that disagree,
or that you accept – all depending on
what is being said. To do that you must make sure you are truly
truly listening. As I said previously on this series, most
bosses are not true leaders,
but more of an administrative bureaucrats whom are,
more likely than not, be wimps
when confronted directly, as you are now doing (though of course you are being respectful
as we’ve said). However, should your boss turn out to be the
exception – that would be wonderful, although
more difficult for you. Why? well, wonderful because you will get the truth,
and that will enable you to best
course correct – you’ll know what is hampering you from getting
that promotion and or pay raise.
And difficult because, as the Jack Nicholson character in A Few Good Men said: you can’t
handle the truth. (he does it better) Most people indeed cannot.
Make sure you can. It’s the key to success.
Step 9. (out of 13) In either case (whether your boss gives you concrete answers
or b******* answers) state clearly and directly
and concisely that you really really want that promotion
and or pay raise and then ask:
Step 10. “What do I have to do to get it the next time around”.
if you do it sincerely and respectfully, it’ll give your boss an opportunity to be
a guide or mentor to you which he or she may like and in any case
will set you on a positive and constructive new relationship
where your boss feels respected and looked up to by you –
which is a good thing to have in a delicate balance
with the “bad boy” employee mentality – this delicate dance between the two
should be the core of your relationship. Step 11. (we’re getting there) ask when the
next opportunity will come to pass. As I’ve explained in a previous video
your boss probably doesn’t know and cannot commit to a specific time frame
at this time but
you’re asking is yet another signal for him or her
that you mean business. Then, to sum up
(Note you are respectfully taking charge of the meeting and
moving it ahead) so then, to sum up:
Step 12. Declare you’re going to do everything your boss said
(In regards to how you can get that promotion and or pay raise come next time) and that
you trust that you won’t be passed over again. Be sure to end with an upbeat note and show
you are optimistic for the future and you are going to work even harder
(We’ve talked about this precise wording before). Step 13. And last in this meet-the-boss for
a feedback-with-a-twist sequence is:
Suggest, and get your boss’ approval, to have another meeting like this
in three months’ time to see IF
and make sure THAT you’re on the right course at that time –
no boss can disagree to that.
Once you’ve completed this sequence of total 13 steps,
(it sounds like a lot but it’s very
organic in nature as you saw
I just wanted to break it down for you
so that you would have a step-by-step action plan to make it easier for you)
so now that you’ve completed the sequence you have successfully implemented everything
we’ve talked about, all the DOs 1 through 7
but one, no. 8 the final one which is a game changer
regarding what to do after you’ve been passed over and it will help us conclude this series
with a bang: so in the next and final video in this series
I’ll show you (wait for it) how not to give a f***
AND get your way (but in a good way)
imagine that… not to give a f***
AND get your way (but in a good way)
but for now, as always: go back to work!
I can’t help you get that promotion
or pay raise if you don’t actually
do the job!