(Drunkenly singing Disney theme) J: Welcome to Drunk Disney, where we drink watching Disney movies, then tell you what we learned from them. C: This week’s movie is Lady and the Tramp, released in 1955. C: It’s the first animated movie to be filmed in widescreen. D: Today’s guest is comedian, Mano Agapion! (all cheer) J: Mano! What’s up, man? M: Not too much. Hey, hey guys, what’s up M: Today’s drinking game is brought to us by Laura Saldana M: We have to drink every time the animals on screen would make for a successful viral video if they were real animals. D: And the we can try to recreate them J: With Lucy? D: And the raccoon that lives outside M: Raccoons are known for their friendliness D: To Walt?
J/C/M: To Walt! C: Cheers
M: That monster *oomf* M: Woof
J: Oh, like the dog! All: Yeah C: This might be one of the only Disney movies where it’s not based on a thing that already existed D: Walt Disney went outside one day, saw two dogs going at it: ‘Gotta get that on camera’ M: They just said you can’t buy a dog tail wagging with money J: In 2015 you can M: I’d love to live there
C: This is nice M: That’s a house that’s beautiful in the day and terrifying at night J: How long was that dog in that box? M: That box had no holes in it C: This looks like, what, turn of the century? They didn’t give a fuck about animals D: That would be a viral video C: HUSBAND GETS HIS WIFE A PRESENT FOR CHRISTMAS WATCH WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! J: This is to… baby puppies M: Even smaller than puppies J: Oh god, are there no chasers? M: *strained* That’s okay, it’s delicious M: You cannot have that much carpet with a puppy in the house
C: Yeah D: Now I’ve never had a dog, I don’t know these rules J: If they chew the corners of furniture, you can put hot sauce on them to tell them to stop. I did that D: So your house was just covered in hot sauce? J: If you were just playing on the floor and got hungry, you didn’t even have to go to the kitchen M: That makes you sound so poor *Lady barking* C: This is the rest of the movie. C: Whoa, what’s going on up there? J: DOG STRUGGLES UP THE STAIRS…
SO CUTE! C: Nooooooo C: To puppy school! Is that what they call that? M: Would you put that comforter on your bed? D: It’s graph paper J: That’s for when I wanna do D&D quests in bed C:This is way different than I remember it looking. It’s a lot fuller and more lush looking M: This could be that- that remastered joint M: Every couple of years they’re like: ‘This is the Platinum- Diamond- Sapphire-” J: Yeah, they add lens flares and make it 3D J: Add Jabba the Hutt to scenes where he’s not in originally M: They just gave her coffee and donuts J: They’re training her to be a cop “Notice anything… different?” D: ‘Ohhh, you just had sex’ J: ‘Smells like dick’ C: This all looks like Thomas Kinkade Land J: What are we missing here? C: We’re missing the intricacies of dog politics J: Old Yeller there wants to vote Bernie; Lady’s like: ‘You’ll throw your vote away!’ D: I like the variety of dogs. That I think is the problem with America. D: I feel like there’s just yellow labs everywhere you look. What about the ones with great mustaches and brows? J: Did you just shorten eyebrows to brows? D: I’ve got a lot of things to do M: This dog has some like Drag Queen style eyelashes C:The white stripe going down her face isn’t her fur color, it’s contouring C: Ooh, the wrong side of the literal tracks C: Has anyone ever gotten a tramp stamp with the Tramp? M: I bet M: Aw, this dog has a great attitude about being super duper poor J: Just like mom C: Does this take place in America? J: This looks quintessential
C: Is it? M: This looks very like Main Street J: There’s a drugstore next to a hardware store, how much more Main Street could you get? J: I guess little runners on the corner selling heroin. M: Tom’s Cabin? Interesting
C: Yeah, that’s- hmm M: What’s above that? M: Oh
M/J: It IS Uncle Tom’s Cabin! D: I think that deserves a Drink Attack J/M: Ohhhhh D: To Ozzy Ozbourne
M: Ozzy! “Oh, Miss Lady” D: That was the worst sound I’ve ever heard J: It’s kinda weird to me that they bark and talk. I don’t like bilingual dogs “That’s right, Miss Lady” J: Oh my god, take the chew out of your mouth, man. “Don’t recollect if I’ve ever mentioned Old Reliable” C: What is he saying?!
M: What did he just say J: Someone needs to put this dog down, it’s past his time “Oh, yeah” J: Chat Attack! Ohhhh
C: Chat Attack! J: Because Lady is sad, we’re gonna toast to Sarah McLachlan *Sarah McLachlan imitations* D: That would be viral M: I think he’s saying like, imagine how bad it could be? M: She’s doing a lot of ‘white people problems’ stuff right now D: To white people
M: To white people J: Shit, we just toasted to white people M: We’re commenting, we’re not saying white power. M: Oh, no, I just said white power C: He’s going to go out to get cigarettes and never come back! J: Just like dad D: I feel like a lot is coming out about your family D: I feel like all dogs were creepy until like the 1950s D: They’re like: ‘Oh wait a minute, we can make these cute’ J: Is this when she tears the baby’s face off and her and Tramp go into hiding? M: This reminds me of Rosemary’s Baby M: This is the part where she’s like, ‘You belong to Satan now’ J: And there’s the stereotypical Japanese guy there; we got the Siamese cats C: *groans*
M: Creepy D: Did they have to give it such gross hair? J: You gotta let it breath, lady
M: Yeah, that tuck-in was tight D: Wait, where are they going? They just had a baby C: Just leave a bowl of food out for it M: Yeah, Mrs. Doubtfire is here *Mrs. Doubtfire impersonations* Hellooo M: Oh my god, it is Mrs. Doubtfire M: ‘I’m definitely a woman’ C: This is a viral hit right here! “We are Siamese if you please” D: Oh my god
J: *clapping to the rhythm* C: I just want to point out that we live in a world where there is a Hilary and Haylie Duff cover of this “We are Siamese if you please”
(but Hilary and Haylie, not the cats) J: Do they change the word Siamese to anything? C: Nope
J: Okay D: To different times
J/C/M: To different times
M: Good lord “Do you hear what I hear?”
“A baby cry” J: ‘Let’s go eat the baby’ J: Tramp, how you about to take on these three rabid dogs by yourself? D: One of those is a wolf, I just wanna point out J: Tramp’s like Daredevil, only he can, like, see C: And he’s a dog “What’s the matter, Pidge?” M: Wait, whaaat? J: Did he really just say ‘What’s the matter, bitch?’
C: No, I don’t think he did M: I think he said bitch J/C/M: *repeating* ‘What’s the matter, bitch?’ J: ‘You never been to a zoo before? Shiiiit’ M: Oh, I guess it could be America M: *in the accent* They have that weird old-timey American accent, see? J: *in accent too* Oh, News flash.
DOGS TRAVELING IN THE ZOO
VIRAL VIDEO C: Someone in the live chat said that he says ‘What’s the matter, Pidge?’ D: But what does Pidge mean?
J: It means bitch All: To pidges! M: You better work, Pidge M: Take the thing off of her J: Well he’s trying, but right now he’s being a wheeler and dealer. He’s like Pirelli D: That was a Sweeney Todd reference? J: That was a very specific Sweeney Todd reference M: And I thought I was gay C: That is a viral video J: BEAVER BREAKS HIS NECK IN EVERY PLACE POSSIBLE J: To Babe: Pig in the City
C: Pidge in the City (M repeats it) J: Drink Attack! Ohhhhhh All: Disembodied Hands! J: Alright we got two different types of drinks here A Lady and a Tramp M: I’ll take the Lady Graessle, offscreen: The lady is The White Lady D: *flashback* To white people G: And the Tramp is a Bourbon Rickey J: Click here to see how to make these two drinks J: To mixology!
C: To mixology, cheers! M: These characters look like my family J: Wait, are you Italian?
M: No D: This could be a great viral video M: To Italian-Americans All: Awwwww D: They do that and then he’s like ‘*gasps*’ and then he scoops a bunch of pasta on his lap J: Wow, they’re just fucking up memories D: They just went all the way up to Makeout Point and they’re there the next morning M: Mmm, that’s viral J: WATCH THESE TWO DOGS FUCK AT MAKE-OUT POINT J: To VD! D: Look at that, that’s not the US
J: That’s Japan “Pidge”
M: ‘Bitch!’ “Pidge!”
All: ‘Bitch!’ “Where are ya, pidge?”
J: ‘Where you at, bitch?’ C: ‘She’s going to the slammer’ C: They all look diseased M: Or like, really high J: Why do you think they’re in jail in the first place? Gateway drug, guys C:That dog on the right looks like Adrien Brody
J: Yeah *dogs howling* This is like that novelty CD that was really popular in like 2002 *CD sample of dogs barking to tune* J: This is also the sound designers least favorite scene C: Oh my god are they euthanizing this dog? M: Is this the death row scene? D: Tom Hanks is leading her to her demise J: One of the guards didn’t wet the sponge. They’re like, ‘What’s that smell? Smells like hot dogs’ C: Fight. The. Rat. Fight- Oh my god, she’s gonna fight a rat! J: That rat’s gonna eat that baby! M: This rat’s gonna eat the baby? J: This is a really cool action scene D: This is like ‘Fast and the Furious 8’
J: ‘Rats and the Furious’ M: Rat’s gonna eat the baby!
J: He’ll save this baby by knocking it the fuck over C: She’s doing such a bad job! C: Okay, let’s think of what’s happened since this lady’s come in
M: “Lady” C: Their dog ran away; there’s now like a stranger dog in the house; it’s fighting a rat and all their furniture is knocked over D: They tried to make it look like it’s not the dogs fault, ‘It’s the rat, it’s the rat’ It’s 100% these dogs. J: Yeah the rat just would have eaten the baby
D: Gone on its way C: Oh my god! Nooooo M: No
D: *gasps* *Cross talk*
C: Get out!
J: Holy shit! C: Did this movie really do that? J: What
C: No you can’t just go to like Christmas, what the fuck C: Wait… No he’s alive! He’s alive! M: They had us right where they wanted us C: No, you need to spay and neuter your pets C: There’s so many doggies at the pound that need a home and they just go and have all these babies C: That dog better not eat the string, he’s gonna be pooping out string J: Pooping out while he’s eating it still. He’s just flossing his intesitines M: Hey, guys, he’s alive, DRINK ATTACK
C: He’s alive! J: To Christmas Time!
M: To Christmas! It’s the best D: Oh! I didn’t spill. Someone else spilled C: Oh no, Dave!
D: It wasn’t Dave! It wasn’t Dave! D: And what do you say?
C: That is so smart! All: What did we learn from Lady and the Tramp? M: Dogs is not being easy. M: Does that sentence make sense? I stand by that sentence C: I learned that this entire movie looks like a postcard you would get from your grandma J: I learned that you don’t actually have to kill a character to elicit tears from the audience D: I learned you can be a tramp and get away with it. You just gotta meet a lady All: This has been Drunk Disney: Lady and the Tramp J: Hey guys! Thanks a lot for watching Drunk Disney: Lady and the Tramp C: Next up, we wanna do a movie from ‘The Post-Renaissance Era’ M: Write in the comments below which one you wanna see and that’s the movie they’re gonna see next C: Also we wanna know what your favorite quote from tonight’s episode was so C: Put that in the comments and maybe we’ll make a shirt out of it that you can purchase maybe D: Be sure to check out Mano’s stuff @ManoAgapion on Instagram D: You can also check out “Winslow” at UCB. It’s his improv team of improv experts. J: What, it’s 10,000 hours makes you an expert on something? Have you done 10,000 hours of impov? M: I bet, but I’m still bad J: Also, these are our Drunk Disney t-shirts, I don’t think we’ve mentioned them yet. We’ll probably sell them again J: They’re real comfy
M: They look cool D: Aren’t they American Apparel?
C: They are! M: Get them before they go bankrupt