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Jordan Peterson teaches you how to raise your kids

Because your job as a parent is to make your child socially desirable by the age of four Like you got it.. you want to burn that into your brain because people don’t know that, that’s your job And here’s here’s why you thi… It’s it’s easy if you think about it carefully so you imagine you’ve got a… you’ve got a three-year-old child so sort of halfway through that initial period of Socialization and you take that child out in public. Okay what do you want for the child? who cares about you What do you want from the chi… from the child? you want the child to be able to interact with other children and adults so that the children are welcoming and smile and want to play with him or her and so the adults are happy to see the child and treat him or her properly and if your child’s a horrible little monster because you’re afraid of disciplining them or you don’t know how to do that properly Then what they’re gonna do is they’re going to experience nothing but rejection from other children and false smiles from other parents and adults And that’s so, then you’re throwing the child out there into a world where every single face that they see is either Hostile or lying and that’s not something that’s going to be particularly conducive to the mental health or the well-being of your child if your child can learn a couple simple rules of behavior like Don’t interrupt adults when they’re talking too much and pay attention And try not to hit the other kids over the head with the truck any more than is absolutely necessary Then and you know and share and play properly then when they meet other kids the kids are going to try out a few little play routines on them And that’s gonna well And then they’re going to go off and socialize each other for the rest of their lives Because that’s what happens is that from four years old onwards the primary Socialization with children takes place among other children, and so if the kids don’t get in on that early They don’t move into that developmental spiral upwards And they’re left behind and you can imagine how terrible that is because a four-year-old will not play with another four-year-old who’s two But a five-year-old certainly will not play with the five-year-old who’s two right because the gap is just starting to get unbelievably large and so the kids start out behind and then the peers leave them behind and then those kids are alienated and outside the peer group for the rest of their life Those are the ones that grow up to be long-term anti social Right they’re already aggressive. It doesn’t dip down now what happens to normal boys roughly speaking Imagine the aggressive two-year-old types they get socialized so their level of aggression goes down And then they hit puberty and testosterone kicks in and bang Levels of aggression go back up and so that’s why males are criminals between the ages roughly of 16 and about 25 So and it matches the creativity curve by the way, it’s so cool If you look at the spike of creativity among men 16 to 25, and it starts to go down criminality matches that absolutely perfectly, so that’s quite cool so… and part of… so the testosterone levels rate raised the average level of aggression among man It’s more dominance than aggression actually in testosterone is by no means all bad And then it starts to decrease at about age 25 or 26 Which is usually would men stop staying up late at night, stop drinking as much develop a full-time career and take on burdens and responsibilities and opportunities that are associated with the long term partner and family and so Also, that’s that’s the development of of Of what I… what I would call predatory aggression because I also think that the Agreeableness distribution is probably something like predatory aggression versus maternal sympathy It’s something like that so if you look at other if you look at other mammals that are that are predators because we’re predators as well as prey animals if you look at other animals like bears The male bear has absolutely nothing to do with the raising of the infants in fact the female bears will keep the male the hell Away, because he’s likely to kill the infants and maybe even to eat them, so there’s no maternity at all in solitary male Mammalian predators now it depends on how social they are but roughly speaking That’s the situation Whereas with human beings males are quite maternal so but anyways I think the… I think the… the… the extreme of agreeableness on the low end, so disagreeableness, is predation and the extreme on the upper end is maternal caring and so and those two things compete right obviously It’s very difficult to be both of those at the same time and so men of course in the wild so to speak are, very very few women hunt in modern societies or in or in archaic societies and you can also understand why that is because hunting actually requires hurting something killing it and It’s usually something that’s not very impressed about being hurt or killed and it will emit a lot of distress while it’s happening and so For anybody who’s compassionate who’s who’s got compassion as, you know, one of the fundamental elements of their temperament. That’s something They’re just not going to be able to tolerate at all So there’s ten… you know in the evolutionary landscape because that’s really what we’re talking about there’s tension Behind the development of different modes of being in the world And it if you’re good at one thing that sometimes means that you can’t be good at the other thing at the same time

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41 thoughts on “Jordan Peterson teaches you how to raise your kids

  1. I didn't come into much contact with other children (other than my brothers, both over 2 years in age difference) until I turned something like 5 or 6 years old.
    I lived outback. Nice place, and all that, but totally devoid of other kids within ballistic distance.

    I think I did well in the end, all things considered, but I also recognize my social growth is both late and skewed. I spent my childhood in a sort of hopeless daze, even after my family moved to the suburbs. I didn't make many friends and those I got close to quickly wanted out of there and I couldn't figure out why. I didn't even realize I was such a No-Go-Zone child until I turned something like 10 years old. I'm not saying I hold no fault in that but I know the lack of early interaction with other children effectively crippled me socially.

    CKY (precursor to Jackass) and the Internet salvaged me. The first got me going outside and trying stuff up and the second gave me a platform to experiment with social interaction with little to no drawbacks. The two came together and made me the neighborhood's Danger Teenager, which was kind of a big step up in the hierarchical world of youngsters. Still, I never did become anything even close to normal.

    I really wonder how different I would have been if I hadn't spent my first few years of existence in the brush. Peterson, I think, is absolutely correct and I speak from personal experience.

  2. WTF…this guy has some decent points but I reject his neat little canned synopsis of development and in particular, the development of anti-social tendencies. He doesn't take into account the very real and arguable possibility that the masses are the ones who are the lunatics and insane people, and that anti-socials ( at least some) are actually the healthiest among us. The reason they are anti-social is because they are too "healthy" to relate to how mentally sick most people around them are. This is not just my idea, but there are many psychologists (James, Jung, et al.) who've postulated this theory. I mean just look around at the world made up of the actions and thinking of society at large. It's not a stretch to imagine that it may be a good sign when you don't fit in.

  3. I wonder if he over stresses the avoiding monster 4 year old compared to other roles which a parent might play. Likewise the comparison of bears to humans might be a little simplistic for the point he might be making.

  4. "If your child is a horrible little monster because you're afraid to discipline him or you don't know how to do that properly…" REALLY???!!! I cannot believe a psychologist would be saying stuff like this without also saying, "….or you [the parent] is modeling this behavior for them and you don't know how to parent at all! A preschooler's only point of reference is his parents, and if he/she is acting out most definitely that bad behavior is coming from bad parenting. I've been around long enough to know bad parenting is epidemic in this country. When you give advice like this to everyone, many will take it out of context and apply it inappropriately actually causing more trauma to an already traumatized child. Try and imagine the amount of abuse children have suffered because of one little verse in the bible that some moron correlated to using a rod to beat your child. I would dare say there are children right now being abused thanks to you seeming to blame children for their own bad behavior. In case anyone isn't getting it, Peterson is saying we are born bad and it's a parents job to discipline that bad out of the child….something 99% of his peers would disagree with. Use some critical thinking here.

  5. this is seriously shitty parenting advice. your job as a parent of a child under 4 is to establish a healthy attachment and not project your own trauma onto your child.

    generally peterson is talking about manners. teaching your kid manners is good parenting, but its not discipline.

  6. I guess I'm doing ok with my daughter. At 9 she's way better then I was at her age, she makes friends everywhere and she's not afraid to try new things. I wish as a kid I had her ability to speak or perform in front of a crowd.

  7. typically I like Jordans speeches but will have to disagree here. Yes in general you want to raise your kids to be polite and well mannered. But this concept completely forgets about children with developmental delays and various personality differences. I have two polar opposite children. One is certainly more agreeable than the other to outsiders. My older has speech delay issues and on top of that is a quite stubborn little boy. My younger child is very sweet natured and a people pleaser. He was blessed not to have developmental delays which has helped immensely with social cues and learning in general. Sure parenting correctly helps with bringing up decent humans but there will never be a perfect parent or a perfect child. It is just not the way the world works.

  8. Make your child "socially desirable"? I was a very "socially awkward" child for most of my life. I was NOT a badly behaved child, I was VERY shy, I wonder IF my parents could've changed that by FORCING me to play with kids MY AGE back then, SOCIALIZING me, kinda like you need to do with a dog.
    I am NOT joking. I was painfully shy, I wonder IF my parents could've stopped that by bringing me around kids my age at a very young age. I am kinda thinking that I would've NOT been any different part is nature, part is nurture.
    He's saying about a 4 year old won't play with a 4 year old who's 2. That can ONLY make sense IF he's implying that the 4 year old who's 2, IS 2 mentally or emotionally.
    He's talking about "anti-social" kids, BUT, I have seen more than a few stories on crime shows where a kid is just BORN to be how they are, and, their parents had no role in who they were, they'd raised very good kids EXCEPT for ONE of their children becoming a murderer. NO DISRESPECT to Peterson, BUT, he is WAY OFF when it comes to kids. He needs to stick to adults. SURE, many parents create monsters by letting their kids get away with everything, BUT, many times it isn't the parents faults.

  9. My life in a nutshell. Not untill I was 7-8 was it till I was playing with other kids. Age 6 I was bullied,.I remember being age 3-4 teaching myself to ride a bike by myself, sneaking out of the house to go play. I never remember being with children when I was very young. Always playing catch up like he said, even at age 34, it's horrible.

  10. I think alot of people underrated Jordan Peterson. He gives practical advice on a broad spectrum of issues regarding the human psyche. This video on teaching children about fear is very important. I live by what he talks about here. He helped me resolve alot of personal issues from the comfort of my own couch and I'm learning something new everyday. LMAO

  11. So you struggle for four years and then find out your kid is Autistic and they just don't function like that.. I never really see JBP address that, which is weird because he probably is on the spectrum.

  12. I like JP, but I sometimes think he gets too stuck on the theoretical. I’ve worked with kids all my life and how a person is as a kid doesn’t always translate into what they become. So many of the Kindergarteners I taught that were the most challenging and least likeable became the sweetest and most helpful teens. I know that’s anecdotal, but I do think he generalizes too much here.

  13. Question out of curiosity:

    Would you rather your child grow up to be smart or kind?

    I do understand that there can be both, just wanted to know what people would pick if they only could have two options 🤔

  14. This is BS. I see society cater to the shitty ass snots that bully and harass other children all the while wearing a smile. Children are taught to be manipulative and materialistic. It's a cruel world.

  15. My son was made an example put of at age 2. He wasnt fully portly trained. They kept him in a group of 18 month to 2 year olds until he was 3 1/2! I DEMANDED he he moved up! He potty trained himself (stubborn) by nearly 4 years old! When moved up.. he was that "young" 3 1/2 year old… child study team determined it was the error of the child care! I pulled him out of there.

  16. What if I just selective socialize? Most of them are just plain boring.. I'm sorry but I couldn't care less of who just married or sports… If ur not at least interesting sorry but ur out

  17. "You're throwing them into the world where every single face is either hostile or lying."

    This bit gives me chills. It speaks to me in a deep way.

  18. never let a chronic depressive person teach you how to raise your kids. you can have happy and social kids – you don't have to break them. raising kids is not a power play when adults are social in a relaxed way. turn to gordan neufeld if you need professional help. and want a happy and well educated and behaving kid.

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