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How to Overcome your Quarter-Life Crisis

Discomfort really can bring out your truest
self. (Intro music) Hi Huckleberries! I have missed you guys so
much. I have not made a video in technically over a month, I miss all of it I am so happy
to be back and to come back talking about a topic that I am so passionate about. This
video has been something I’ve wanted to make for years… should I really claim that I’m
out of my quarter-life crisis? I don’t really know but I will say, having experienced at
least 5 years of a quarter-life crisis between the ages of 20 and 25, and all of the confusion
and anxiety that can come with a quarter-life crisis, it really has dissipated in the last
couple of years. That does not mean that I have it all figured out because I don’t but
instead of asking myself questions like, “Who am I?” and “Holli, why are you such a hot
mess?” Instead, I ask myself questions like, “what are you gonna do about it?” I think
that’s the biggest indication of being out of that quarter-life crisis is that a lot
of the confusion and fear is gone. And I wanna start talking about it because I feel like
the queen of quarter-life crises – figure it out, girl! I would like this to be more
of a series on this channel, I want to continue talking about this, that way it can be more
of a conversation, you guys can share your advice, talk about your own experiences, things
you’re going through and we can just be there for each other cuz I’m here for you guys!
Tip #1: pop your bubble, get out of your comfort zone. Some people are content never leaving
their hometown, going to Cancun every year, maybe even dating and eventually marrying
the person they’ve been with since high school. And let me be clear – there is nothing wrong
with that. But you’re watching this video, so I assume you’re craving something more.
And that is okay as well. But if you continue to make the same types of friends, do the
same activities, watch the same shows… you will continue to be the same person. Add in
as many different types of things into your life as possible and you will find inspiration,
you’re gonna find what you like and what you don’t like. Even revisiting things… I have
this rule with myself that I try foods I don’t like about once a year. Eventually, I loved
tomatoes! I used to hate them. Wasabi… I hate wasabi and I try it about once a year
just to make sure I haven’t changed my mind but wasabi’s disgusting. And also, getting
back onto the point, meet at many different types of people as you can! For me, that was
going on my road trip and conversing with strangers, usually at a bar or on a hike.
But no matter what kind of interaction I had, whether it was casual and chill or deep and
personal… I always walked away from every interaction more curious about something or
someplace or just more connected to that person or to humanity as a whole. And I know living
out of my car and talking to strangers isn’t for everyone, so start off with a Facebook
group. Being able to connect to people from all over the world… the internet is a magical,
wonderful, frightening place so utilize those tools and start small. It could be as simple
as watching a new show, listening to a podcast, getting an audio book. But they will influence
you and teach you about yourself as you learn more about the world and the other ideas out
there. You need to incorporate change so start small, start cheap, and eventually consider
making a financial investment. I wanted to learn about fitness so I hired a personal
trainer. That’s an extreme example because that’s very expensive but I had to make smaller
purchases, in the beginning, try free stuff… before I was ready for that big step. Just
get your toes in the water and put yourself out there! Tip #2 is to troubleshoot. This
takes a lot of self-reflection. First, identify your problems and then identify possible solutions,
listing them in order of least extreme solution to the most extreme solution. Here’s an example:
you drink too much! What’s the problem? For me, I was wasting all of my money. That was
a huge problem for me when I started working in the restaurant industry, I got swept up
in the culture of the restaurant industry and I wasted so much money. So what are you
gonna do about it? Budget! I’ve got a budgeting video coming out very soon so stay tuned for
that, hit that subscribe button! Budgeting a certain amount for drinks, or only drinking
on the weekends and not on weekdays, those are really simple solutions! If the problems
are more than that, like it’s messing up your work life or your relationships or you black
out all the time… then we’re gonna get into more extreme solutions like going to AA or
getting therapy, finding out why you’re drinking. Not every problem has to be an extreme problem,
you can fix a lot of things in your life by just working your way down that list… troubleshooting!
Never did it, but if I could go back in time… I would tell myself, “Holli, you should probably
troubleshoot your life.” Hindsight… if only we had instant hindsight. That is an oxymoron.
Tip #3: find your role models and a mentor. In the age of social media and online influencers,
it is really easy to look up to someone on YouTube or Instagram. The point I want to
make in this is to try and find someone you can actually interact with directly, someone
that you know, who you can actually see living our their lives, or have a conversation with.
Why does my – I don’t want this to fall. I want an elephant at the party… he’s invited
and he’s gonna stay. On my road trip, I stayed with my aunt and uncle. And getting to know
them, there was just so much about them individually in their careers and personal lives and in
their marriage that I really admired. So having that was a huge aha moment for me, I realized
that all this time I’d gone without having a role model. Knowing someone who had already
gone through it, and I just never had that and once I realized it had been missing, I
saw the value in it. Don’t just rely on social media – I pride myself on the authenticity
of this channel, but it is still a YouTube channel. I’m only showing you guys… like,
I made my bed for you! And if you really don’t have anyone in your life, finding them online
is great. Have someone. Let me give you an example of a healthy vs an unhealthy way to
admire people on social media. Julien Solomita and Jenna Marbles… he’s so technically challenged…
challenged? Technically talented! And I admire his craft so much, however, if I idealized
Jenna and Julien’s relationship, I would consider that to be an unhealthy admiration because
we don’t know what they’re like off camera and it’s weird and unhealthy and it’s not
gonna lead to me finding a healthy relationship. Another example is Mr. Kate. Mr. Kate is tiny,
she has a pretty similar body to mine and she’s actually the first person I’ve found
who I can look up to for fashion and body image. I’ve been looking at models my whole
life so it has made me feel fat all the time and I know I have some body image issues and
I’m working on that but once I discovered her channel, it makes me feel beautiful too.
A little pack of dynamite! My camera died. It was my camera telling me to stop rambling.
Moving on. Tip #4: do something that scares you. And this felt so cliche and I didn’t
wanna use it but then I just kept thinking about how true it is and how important this
is and what incorporating fear and confronting fear has done for me, I just have to talk
about it. If you aren’t feeling confident and powerful and strong, how are you gonna
navigate these problems that you’re having and feel confident in your decision making?
And making decisions that are inherently scary for you? Hiking has been a huge part of me
finding myself and when I am hiking I get inspired, I get clear on my vision, and I
see parts of myself that I love and want to enhance. In Florida I went on a “hike” it
wasn’t a hike it was a walk but I was terrified, almost to the point of tears. If I had not
done that little walk, I would not have been able to do the Beehive Trail in Acadia National
Park in Maine. That was a huge accomplishment for me. It was climbing a cliff face and I
did it alone, not the most responsible thing but so much pride comes from doing something
like that. Maybe you’re not outdoorsy, maybe it’s going on a blind date. That might be
a bad example… I don’t usually feel that good after dates. I’m always like, “well…
that was okay.” Go sing karaoke! Do something that gets you out of your comfort zone. I
overcame my arachnophobia… made a video about it, nobody watched. I mean curious though,
what are you afraid of that you’re gonna do? Please comment them down below because it
gets me jazzed and excited to hear. Going skydiving or swimming with sharks… these
are both things that I plan to do in Hawaii. Those are a few examples that I’m looking
forward to because it is humbling to be afraid… it is humbling and empowering, all at the
same time. Is that a thing? I think it is. And my last tip for this video is going to
be taking control of your narrative. What are you saying about yourself to yourself?
Our own personal narrative is the foundation to how we come off to others and how we present
ourselves. Not talking down to yourself and not telling yourself your life story in a
negative way. I could look back on my childhood and I could tell you two completely different
versions – I could make my childhood sound very nice, I could also tell you a completely
different version that kind of sucked. And that’s not to say that one version is right
or wrong but we do have a lot of control over our narrative and what we tell ourselves will
affect our future and will affect how we make decisions. If we’re making decisions based
off of fear and insecurity, or if we’re making decisions based off of aspirations and the
best version of ourselves. And following that through your day to day life, so that could
mean putting a positive affirmation on your mirror – something that you can read every
day that uplifts you. A huge one is writing down what you’re thankful for every night
or every morning. I love to write down what I’m grateful for because the list is long!
And not being a victim… “woe is me because I have this obstacle and this obstacle and
this obstacle!” That doesn’t mean that those obstacles don’t exist, but your attitude towards
them will affect the ease or difficulty in overcoming them. I’ll give one more example,
I think this video is getting a little long. Going through my career change and doing all
of these random things and changing my look, there was a point in my life where I looked
at myself and I thought, “wow I really must not know who I am, I’m a mess, why can’t I
just be normal and be content?” That’s a very damaging way of talking to yourself vs having
fun with clothes and fashion and makeup, trying new things, having many skills… that’s my
identify! That’s who I am, that’s not my lack of identity, it’s the fact that I’m adventurous
and I’m curious and I love learning and I love to explore and it’s not a problem and
there’s not something wrong with me. All you have to do is figure out what you’re saying
about yourself and really think about it and reflect, and how you present yourself in conversations
with others, and deciding to say it differently. It’s you seeing yourself in your best light.
Life ain’t easy, figuring it out is hard and, as I said, I’m still figuring it out but I’ve
come so far and I’m really proud of the progress I’ve made and I feel awesome about it. I can’t
wait to read your comments and hear what you guys think of this video and if you guys want
more and maybe talking about your quarter-life crisis, what situation you’re in, any questions
you guys have and that might inspire future videos. These were just 5 tips, that felt
right for me to share today but I hope to share more. I hope to just learn and grow
and get better as I get older… and get farther from my “quarter-life” where people are like,
“Holli, you’re too old to have a quarter-life crisis, what are you talking about?” We’re
gonna have to figure that one out later… well I hope you guys enjoyed this video and
if you are new here please subscribe and join the Huckleberry family! I love you guys so
much I’m just so happy to be back finally, I hope you’re all doing very well, I’m sending
you all positive vibes and if you’re in a quarter-life crisis right now… I got you.
I’m here for you.

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38 thoughts on “How to Overcome your Quarter-Life Crisis

  1. Check out the theory of Return to Saturn. No, not the No Doubt album, but the thought that every 30 years you become basically a new person. Each trip around Saturn changes you. I can't do it justice, but it's on par with what you're saying here in this video. Aloha!

  2. Gee I am in my third quarter life, but your young advice is a reminder for all ages! Periods of time spent uninspired is not fun. Depression becomes a huge block, but it’s just a period of reflection and then plans to climb out helps the journey. I am making ceramics again and my life has improved greatly. Learning new things and meeting new creative people has helped me get out of my head and to live again with my spirit. Life is good and you are beautiful 🥰

  3. Aww.. I love the smiley happy you.. glad you're back 😊 now get on your scoot scoot and show some island adventures 😎 keep learning and growing.. a body in motion stays in motion

  4. I like your videos. I turned 30 in October and had what I believe was my first quarter life crisis. I’m feeling a little better now with a new job as spring has started, but I am just trying to take it day by day. Thanks for the positive outlook 🙂

  5. Well hello there Miss. nice to see your face. Yes it is Stupid 0’clock. You discovered one of my pet hates. People that go on their cheap and nasty holidays. Here, people go to Bali, 3 or 4 times a year because it is cheap. Not much different to being home because it is full of Australians. Stuff that.

    Another one is expats living in non English speaking countries. I am in a couple of groups based in Chile. People choose to live in these countries then complain no end. They don’t learn the language because they think that just doing classes will be enough. They complain about service and dream about trying to change things to make it like home. Unfortunately the greater percentage of these expats are from the US. Most expats gravitate to the classy suburbs such as Las Condes and make out they are rich. No chance to practice Spanish and not willing to step out of their comfort zone. Our family, when we travel there, stay in a poor suburb and have no choice but to speak Spanish. We don’t consider ourselves as being tourists, just residents back at our other house.

    My travel tips would be….

    Be adventurous. Don’t pick places that will be full of your fellow countrymen.
    Don’t stay in the best hotel you can find. Plenty of options these days.
    Don’t compare the place with your home.
    Mingle with the people, get to know them. Language is no barrier.

    My turn to ramble but you did ask for thoughts and it is 4 am after all.

    Welcome back. You have been missed.

  6. Can you make a video called “how to get desperate losers on social media to give you free money” ? Thanks. You are awesome.

  7. AHH! I have the same rule about trying food I don't like once a year! Though, this year I found out I like a very tiny bit of wasabi, but only for the flavor. Lol

  8. Omg you are back !!!!!!! Seeing your name pop up made me so happy 😀 I loved this video. I am 34 years old and have children and I don't feel like I have my life together yet lol I am actually learning so much from you Holi <3

  9. Hi Holli. I really enjoyed this video. And I really enjoyed the way you reflect on the different points of living your life in a more expanded way. I am 60 years old and I love watching your videos. In some way I resonate with the way I was when I was your age and there's a lot of similarity there. I live in a motorhome and for 20 years I've been going all over America and living in my motorhome meeting all kinds of people having all kinds of experiences Etc. About 7 years ago I became disabled and now I'm still in the motorhome but I'm basically bedridden. And that's an adventure in itself. It's not a fun adventure but it's definitely an adventure. Talk about rewriting the narrative that's something I have to do every day to keep my spirits and my mind from spiraling down. So I just want to thank you again for sharing the way you do and sharing your life with us.

  10. I love your videos so much! I have watched them all.
    I got excited when I saw you made a new one 😁
    I’m 49 yrs old and I just now figured out who I am and my purpose in life(late bloomer I know 😆) I’m sure I’ll be growing and learning even more as the years keep coming.
    You look beautiful! 💕

  11. i love this. currently nearing the end of my quarter life crisis at 28 years old, but am travelling to big island to WWOOF with a couple farms. i've lived so many lives– touring musician, radio show host, yoga student, and now following my next passion! only now, i look in the mirror and know who i am and what my morals are, and what i want. this video is sooo on point! <3

  12. First of all, welcome back! You and your videos were greatly missed. I went through similar situations in my late 20s. I had a steady job that I was good at but not happy with and couldn't see myself doing for the rest of my life. Quit, focused on school and finally stopped giving myself an excuse to NOT pursue what was in my heart. Let me tell you, it was definitely not a smooth, easy or even a short path. There were many days and nights where I was thinking I had made a huge mistake. But now I'm a Firefighter and I absolutely love my job and the life it provides, even during the hard times (because they still exist). Looking back, maybe I want quite ready yet and needed those extra hardships to prepare myself for this job and to make sure that my heart and soul was truly in it. Deciding to not be satisfied with being comfortable was one of the best decision I ever made in my entire life

  13. Inspiring to even mid lifers like myself… all the big stuff aways has fear. Living authentically, if one even approaches the subject for self inventory, comes at different stages of life for all people. And we will often 'rethink' as we go. Mindful change is good. Baby steps are awesome. Ty

  14. I love your videos and your vibes. I’m a college student soon to be 21 years old and that video, yes yes yesssss🗣 I’ve felt a lot of things you discussed in this video and thank you for being another human being that talks about these topics that are completely relevant and not everyone talks about them or cares. Keep going!

    Much love from Puerto Rico and I’m glad to see you here again. 🥰

  15. Listen to her. She is wise beyond her years. She is right about everything except wasabi. Wasabi is awesome. Encourage drunk people to put large smears on a bagel. Just kidding it is mean to do that to a bagel.

  16. But… Wasabis disgusting 😆 lovely talk I like the encouragement to try something new! Trying something you hate once a year seems like a pretty good idea!!!

  17. I've realized at the age of 37 , I actually don't really like interacting with people in person. Also I hate telling my story or experiences over and over when meeting new people. I'm a person who would love to travel by myself or just my family. I don't have any friends anymore. I don't have attention span or patients for friends. I feel they require too much of my time and emotions. My life is a shot show already without adding friends who require my attention on top of it. I'm very happy knowing this about myself. Before I thought that I needed friends to be happy but actually Im happier watching you tube friends because they don't need me. I'm sure that seems very selfish but it's not. Because if I have a friend and they need me but I'm not able to meet their needs that would be selfish of me. And I've done that many times in my life. And it makes me feel bad. As far as doing something that scares you I completely agree. I moved into an rv with my husband and 14 yr old son. I was terrified. Yes it's really hard being in a small space. But it's not as awful as I thought it was going to be.

  18. Quirky and comforting. Good to see you happy and evolving. Fyi fresh wasabi is tastier than the usual stuff found in many sushi places.

  19. Holli! Im glad your back you inspired me to move to Maui for 8 months I just left island 2 weeks ago now I'm dying to go to big island. I saw in an earlier video you were leaving but from your newer videos it looks like you stayed. Can I ask what changed your mind? I miss Hawaii so much!

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