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Hitchhiking Across China: Thumbs Up Season 3 (Part 2/5)


[MUSIC PLAYING] -Thumbs Up! China. We got the most varied and
different rides today. We got picked up in all
kinds of rides, except they were very slow. We just got dropped off by the
generous and handsome, pockmarked and pimply-faced
Mr. Ji. Very friendly, very horny. If I’ve learned anything today,
it’s that if you have a vagina life is much easier. You just have to spread
them a little bit. You don’t even have to give it
up, you just have to tease him a little bit. So, I don’t know where
the fuck we are. I think he dropped us off near
some kind of river, but every single body of water we’ve seen
so far has been dried up. I think we may be near an area
that’s the part Muslim, part Chinese, I don’t know. But we’re gonna go down
this road and see where it takes us. Thumbs Up! China. Speaking of open legs, we’re
just walking down this road and we saw the legs opening
on this mountain. Excuse me– ni hao. HARRY KIM (OFFSCREEN): Ni hao. -Ni hao. -Ni hao. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
Ni hao. -What’s in the cave? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -In the hole. What’s in that dark,
dark hole up there? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -He says little– he says that it’s like
a midget nation. -What? -Because he said
they’re small. -There’s small people
in there. What’s down this road? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -We look for adventure. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -We’re looking for adventure. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -All right, so we’re gonna
have to investigate. [MUSIC PLAYING] We’ve been walking down this
dirt road and we just got to this gate that looks like
the Great Wall. Hey, look. This is it, let’s go. Let’s go into that
village, dude. It looks fucking amazing. [DOG BARKING] Hey, are you guys– do you guys consider yourself
Chinese cows or black cows? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -And how do the Chinese
people treat you? STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] HARRY KIM (OFFSCREEN): Um,
he says that’s not cool. [SHEEP BLEATING] -Oh my god, look at all
these sheep, dude. -Hi, sheep. -Dude, look at the– -Hey, fuzzy. -Look at the blue sheep, man. They got mohawks on them. [SHEEP BLEATING] Oh, oh. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
Oh my god, David. -Oh. The smell is so good. It’s the best smell I’ve ever
smelled in my life. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Please tell us. We want this haircut
on this guy. All right, we’re gonna
go down the street. Bye, baby. [ROOSTER CROWING] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Ah. -Yeah? All right. Thank you. -Oh! DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN): Whoa. That chicken’s like– -Hey! DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN): Yeah. Fight him, fight
him, fight him. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
Yeah, yeah! DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN):
Fuck him up, chicken. Damn. -I’ll be back. [ROOSTER CROWING] DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN):
Ah, you– STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN): You
realize he’s very simple. DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN): Fuck
that chicken up, Harry. [HARRY FARTS] [DAVID LAUGHING] -Dude, that fucking chicken
fucking kicked Harry and then was like, “What’s up, bitch?”
And Harry was like, “This is what’s up–” Bbbrank! All right, thank you. [ROOSTER CROWING] HARRY KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] [ROOSTER CROWING] -We need a ride. I’m tired of walking. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Love the poo. Very fun. -Get in. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] [CHILDREN LAUGHING] -All right, I guess you
get a seat up front. -Here, get in that side. [CAR HORN] -What? We’re fucking going
as fast as we can. -Yeah! -Yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo! Tractor ride! Yeah. It’s never taken us more than
five minutes to get a ride. Everyone’s super nice, nobody
asks us for money or anything. It’s amazing. The only problem is the rides
are pretty slow, so let’s see if we can get faster rides. -Hey, help her jump. -As the sun sets over China,
fucking Chinese people, we’re bringing the party to you. You don’t want to fucking show
us where the good pussy’s at, you don’t want to show us where
the good food’s at, you don’t want to show us where the
party’s at– we’ll bring the fucking party to you. [MUSIC PLAYING] It’s about 2:00 in
the morning. We’re in Tuoketuo and we’re just
wandering the streets. So far in China, we end up in
these towns where there are just streets of lights
ands buildings but there’s no one here. It’s like a fucking
zombie town. And in all my years
of hitchhiking– I don’t know. I’ve applied it to every other
aspect of my life. I don’t know why it
didn’t– it just came clear to me today. When we get to trains,
we jump on them. But for hitchhiking, we’re
always asking, putting our thumbs out. It’s almost like
we’re begging. But, you know, humanity, humans
in general, when it comes down to it– like, if
you all of a sudden lose everything tomorrow, within
that week you’ll resort to three things, and every
person is different. You’ll either start begging,
you’ll start stealing, or you’ll sell your own body. So what kind of person
are you? So I don’t know why I’ve
been asking for rides all these years. We just started hitchhiking
in China and we thought it would be tough. We just fucking take
the rides. We don’t even ask, we just jump
on the fucking vehicles when they’re there. And then they get mad at us
sometimes, and sometimes they’re like, get off, and
we just don’t get off. And then they’re like, fuck it,
and they just keep going. So let’s keep going. [MUSIC PLAYING] I’m out here with Stephanie. She’s like the Dazzler, the
Jubilee, the Betty Braddock Psylocke before she turned–
or after she turned Asian. And with Harry, who’s like the
Logan, Weapon X, Wolverine, Bishop, Longshot character
from the X-Men of the hitchhiking world. And you know that thing I said
before about just take the ride, just jump on it? Yeah, well that only works
when Stephanie’s with us. We tried it earlier this morning
and, uh, when dudes just jump in a dude’s car, the
dude says get the fuck out in really angry Chinese. So, anyways, we’re in– hey, what’s this town called? -What? -Tuoketuo. -We’re in Tuoketuo, and we’re
trying to get the fuck out. I don’t even know if Chinese
people know what a thumbs up is, but we’ll try to
figure it out. [DRUMMING] Hey, come on. -Oh. -Come on, come on, come on. [BRAKES SQUEALING] Yes, yes, yes, yes. Just jump in. Yeah. Jump in, Paul. Our first– the first fucking
car that came by. All right. [LAUGHTER] Well, whoever said you couldn’t
hitchhike in China was a fucking idiot. [MUSIC PLAYING] Thank you, thank you. Judging by this billboard, we’re
somewhere where there’s beautiful lakes and radioactive
atomic plants. All right, let’s go– let’s go explore. [MUSIC PLAYING] [YELLING] So we’ve been on the road
for a little bit. We’re sort of like at the
Chinese Grand Canyon. And now, since Harry keeps
tripping and shit, I’m drawing some eyes on the side and the
back of his head, so he can look in every direction. 360, 365 days a year. You look good, Harry. I got you covered. -Nice. -I’m looking out for you, bro. -Thanks, Dave. -All right, let’s
get out of here. [MUSIC PLAYING] Thumbs Up! China. We just took a tumble. We just ended up back
on the road. I have no idea where we are. All right, we’re seeing a
strange thing, and that’s a lot of fucking hitchhikers– there’s this guy right here. It seems like they don’t really
do the thumbs up out here, they just go up to
cars and just ask them. Aw, dude, that guy just
got a ride over there. So, OK, I don’t know
what’s going on. Basically, we’ve seen more
hitchhikers in the last hour than we’ve seen in
all of China. We’re trying to figure out if
it’s just this intersection. Ni hao. -Ni hao. -Ni hao. -Are they looking for a ride? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] They’re waiting for a ride. -They’re waiting for a ride? Do they know what this means? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] I think they said it
means “very good.” -Oh, very good? -Very good, very good. -Here, stand over here. So how long have these– has
he been waiting for? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Not very long. They just got here. -How come there’s so many
hitchhikers– like, where is he going? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -They’re going east,
we’re going south. Nice to meet you, we
gotta split ways. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -We gotta go that way. We’re not going the
same direction. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Look at that. You don’t even fucking
have to try out here. People just pull over
and give you rides. -Huh? -All right. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Good luck. Good luck, man. -Good luck. -Good luck. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -People out here, they just
fucking pull over and give you rides. You don’t even have to
stick your thumb out. There’s another guy. Everyone’s just fucking
giving rides out here. I love this town. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -OK. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN): Hey,
zoom in on his tattoo. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -What does this mean? The four– -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -The five dots on his forearm,
right there. [MAN CHUCKLES] What does it mean? What does it mean? STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN): That’s
some gangster shit. That’s how many people
he’s killed? STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] [LAUGHTER] -That’s some gangster shit. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN):
Jackie Chan, Jet Li, and Chow Yun-fat. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -You’re a dangerous man. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -He hasn’t fucked anyone. -It’s how many people
he killed, right? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -That’s some gangster shit
or some jail shit. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Look, there’s even more
shit over there, dude. This is weirdest fucking
placing I ever– STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN): This
is like migrant worker intersection. -Let’s get out of here. So after wandering around all
morning, we ended up at what either looks like a gigantic
tit or a– I guess we’ve been hearing
from the gas station attendants and people that we
run into that this is sort of like a gateway area to the
Muslim country area. It looks like a mosque
or something, so let’s go check it out. So, it’s not a place
of worship. It’s a fucking restaurant. Mongolian barbecue, let’s eat. Come on. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
Yeah! HARRY KIM (OFFSCREEN): Yeah. [DRUMMING] -Freeze! Uh, I don’t think they’re
impressed. Ask her if we can eat
for free now. Can we– STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -All right, thank you. MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): OK. -I don’t know if it’s a mirage,
but what does that look like to you? We’re gonna head in
that direction. I think that’s the way to go. [MUSIC PLAYING] Oh, fuck. Good morning, everyone. It’s another beautiful
day in China. Yesterday, we tried to put on
a live improv show for these Mongolians to try to get free
food or even a place to stay, but they weren’t having it. I don’t think they
were impressed. We ran into a bunch of migrant
workers that were trying to get rides. They’re like the Mexicans that
hang out in front of Home Depot of China. That didn’t work out either. We are heading south. The air smells good. It’s fresh. Stephanie, wake up. How you feeling, honey? -Mm. -All right, let’s
start the day. -Ah! -Oh shit, dude. What’s this? -Oh wow. -Get in the parade. We just got into a parade
with all chicks. So, China has no porn– I checked. We got here, all the porn sites
X’ed by the government. Like Big Brother, they
monitor everything. So I have to imagine all these
girls have huge bushes and faint mustaches. What me and Harry
are doing now– I don’t know what Stephanie’s
doing– is we’re marching with all
these beautiful women and we’re gonna collect as many
masturbation material for our spank banks as possible. Look at Harry. Look at that fucker go. [WOMAN SQUEALS] I guess, uh– Harry’s a pimp in Africa, he may
be a pimp in America, but when we get to China,
his skin is a sin. He might just be too dark for
these girls out here. Ni hao. How are you doing? In America, you almost see no
Asian homeless people, but how can you avoid that in China? This is a hairstyle they can
rarely be pulled off by Asian people, but somehow this
guy knows how to rock it just right. [MUSIC PLAYING] Hey, you think Chinese people
can understand this sign? -Uh. -Yeah, it looks like
Chinese characters. -OK. -Ew. -That shit’ll run, dude. -Ew. -Dude, I think these people
want to give us a ride. -Oh. Here, let’s get in. Let’s jump in. -All right. -Scoot in. Scoot in, everyone. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN):
What do they do? STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] DAVID CHOE (OFFSCREEN):
What do they do? STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -[SPEAKING CHINESE] STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -We were holding a sign, said
you can dry hump any one of us, and we were applying
makeup. So the fact that these guys
stopped, I don’t know what that means about them,
but I love it. I love it. [MUSIC PLAYING] -Oh shit, dude. They just drove into
an alley and now it’s not funny anymore. No one’s laughing or smiling. And there’s– STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN): Oh,
it’s a police station. – –a police station. OK, this– STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
[SPEAKING CHINESE] -You guys just dropped us
off at a police station. -Oh man, that’s horrible. It’s like– -Xie xie. So we got picked up by two
police officers and they took us to the police station. STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN): And
then they farted in the car. -And then they farted in the
car and it was fucking disgusting. -Trying to gas us out. Thumbs Up! China. This is me, Dave Choe, on the
road with Stephanie, my cuz, Harry, my cuz. We’re in a bathroom somewhere. We were in Xingye,
now we’re in– I don’t know where
the fuck we are. Yan’an something. I’m gonna tag some shit, we’re
gonna get hitting the road. We got to find a ride,
head south. [MUSIC PLAYING] [HARRY GRUNTS] Fuck all those people who
said we couldn’t get free rides in China. Yeah! So, I don’t know where
we landed. We got picked up
by cops today. Didn’t really know what
to think of it, so it’s kind of weird. They drove us to
their station. We played it cool. We got out of the car and
then we fucking ran. We changed our clothes. I think we’re gonna
outsmart them. No cops in America and
no cops in China are gonna keep us down. Anyways, we got this
guy over here. This is the Chinese
Shire, I think. So, Stephanie, why don’t you–
uh, is this your home? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] OK. Yeah, he says he lives here. -OK. Does he have a family? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -No, no. -Ask him if he wears bare–
if he walks barefoot. Is he a Hobbit? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Do they– are they gay
or do they, do they– do they self-procreate? How do they come to be? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] Oh. He said that this is
how they do it. Like, that’s how he does
it in his hometown. -Dude. Yeah, it looks like
Harry’s always working the charm, dude. -Can you speak Chinese? -Oh! It’s English! Oh, English! So good, so good. -I know a little. -Oh, yeah, yeah. It’s cool. So which one you live in? He’s gonna show us his home. This is– oh, wife number one, two,
three, four, five, six. Six? Six wives? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -So every night, every night. There’s seven days a week, so
who gets to sleep with you on the seventh day? Somebody must get a back to
back turn or something. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Oh, it is the Shire, see? These Chinese Hobbits, they’re
called– they said they’re called “Chobbits.” This
is where they live. You know, they must be
really small, so. I can eat this? -Yes, yes, yes. -Oh, this is where the men
go to relax, right? Oh, that’s definitely my kind
of wallpaper right there. Definitely really
cute, you know? Beautiful, beautiful. Hey, Harry– -This guy? -I don’t know. You’re, you– that’s
a sacred bed. Come on. Come on, now. [DOG BARKING] STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
Oh, whoa, whoa. [DOG BARKING] -Come on, Harry. I want to take you home. I’m gonna take care of you. [DOG BARKING] STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. In China, is it like
dog-eat-dog? MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN):
Dog– STEPHANIE KIM (OFFSCREEN):
Dog-eat-dog. Man-eat-dog? -[SPEAKING CHINESE] -Oh, you have something? Oh. OK. All right, so say
bye-bye to him. Bye-bye. Thank you, thanks dude. Awesome. That was cool. It’s cool, dude. There you have it. China’s Chobbits. They floss like Mormons,
they got six wives– one of them’s a lucky
one, gets to hit him twice in a week. Really hospitable. I don’t know, maybe he was like
into Stephanie, he wanted a little panda love. But yeah, that’s– I think that’s– -Yeah, I was getting that vibe
where he was trying to pick up on me. -You know, this day started
off real stressful– getting picked up by the cops,
changed the outfits, going into hiding– but now I think we’re cool. I think we’re covert. No one can find us. We’re all good. Let’s go. [MUSIC PLAYING] [CAR HORN] -Shit, shit. Get in, get in. Harry! -Come on, Harry! [MUSIC PLAYING]

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100 thoughts on “Hitchhiking Across China: Thumbs Up Season 3 (Part 2/5)

  1. is it me or is the main guy just ridiculously gross with the way he talks? the fact that literally almost everything the cunt says is perverted and gross makes me wanna knock him the fuck out

  2. Panda titties! Here we go episode 2!~ I skipped some of season 2 so don't be mad! China though….I HAD to see this! Thank you guys for the dangers you go through for our pleasure, it's very wonderful!

  3. lool funny how even while he was at Beijing a few vids back, it only showed the shitty parts of the city and not the well developed areas😞 . Honestly they should've gone East rather than south into Shanghai cuz that city's epic yoo!

  4. Почему ты такая красивая девушка не должна быть не должно может быть лучше

  5. am I the only one that thinks hes disrespectful, arrogant, unnecessarily crude/sleazy and just in general a bit of a dick? Still entertaining though

  6. "You will either beg, steal, or sell your own body." I know it sounds very assumptive but damn if that's not pretty profound and definitely seems to surmise a lot of people.

  7. "You will either beg, steal, or sell your own body." I know it sounds very assumptive but damn if that's not pretty profound and definitely seems to surmise a lot of people.

  8. this is one of those times where cameramen need clout. it was probably harder for him at times too filming all of this

  9. Even though the Chinese do not hitchhike or pickup hitchhikers, they are a very proud people, so I think they used that to there advantage.

  10. your marvel comics game is on point at least when it comes to x-men idk if your good enough to wear the crown but you could be a contender

  11. Lets be forr real. At first, Harrys sister seemed lame as fuck. Within 20-30 minutes in, she was awesome and hilarious as fuck. Shes one of the guys!!!!

  12. Bro 19:00 so good 👍 i fucking lost it when they switched personalities lmfaoo and 19:55 when dude starts hugging random guy

  13. DISGUSTING americans showing no respect to other cultures . ARROGANT as always. not to mention self-centred and LOUD

  14. if you ever plan on a eurotrip and youre in germany dont hesitate to contact me if you need a roof, food, a bed, a shower and some weed. peace n love ya scumbags!

  15. Who farted in the car it smells so bad. Oh no were at police station let's get he fuck out of here. Let's tag now .yea!!!!

  16. Daves got over 200 million in the bank from a fb deal years ago, fuckin bum is bumming rides from people that can barely afford to keep vehicle on the road, bums food for playing shitty music. Loitering everywhere painting shit all over these countries buildings. Dont get this guy. If you dont care about your money cheap ass dave why not give these people who help you a bunch of money so u can change there bum ass lives then when they see the next hitcher that probably really needs a ride they will stop without thinking..

  17. Think it sucks he's giving all the credit to her having tits and a pussy and not the fact that SHE CAN SPEAK FUCKING CHINESE!

  18. If you don't like it, you shouldn't ever put a thumbs down! They are putting their lives on the line to create AWESOME content!

  19. I wish there was like a diagram or map of where u were and such bc I don’t know china like I do America

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