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FASTasFUCK – Fried Rice in 10 minutes


Hello InnerTubers, welcome to the very first
episode of FAST AS FUCK where I cook up something delicious in under 10 minutes. You know those days, right? Too little time, too many aggravations and
too fucking much hungry? That adds up to a fucking hangry, and the
best way to handle that is to go get takeout or to cook something that you really, really,
really like. FAST! FAST as FUCK! Today’s inspiration was this little bargain
right here. You know, I love a bargain almost as much
as I love chocolate. FUCK YEAH. FRIED FUCKING RICE – FAST as FUCK!
I’m on it! I fucking love fried rice. And I like Slice’n’Rice, too. Gather your tools before you start. Nothing will slow up your cooking faster than
wasted steps or motion. I cheated a little and put all my shit in
these cute little clear bowls so you could see better, but, you know, any bowls or cups
will do. The secret is to do your fucking prep BEFORE
you cook so you don’t have to scramble around. Chop Chop Chop. Hurry Hurry Hurry. What goes in my rice, you ask? Whatever the fuck I want! Just like the soup, remember? If I like it, it goes in. If not, fuck it! Step 2: Plan out which items get cooked first. For instance, you have to cook the rice before
you can fry it. Yum. Yum. Yum. This is gonna be the tits. Step 3: While the first item is cooking, start
your next ingredients. I’m just gonna lightly saute these veggies
and shrimp, then I will add them to the rice. There ya go, little fuckers. Into the pan and then into my belly. Hah! This smells fucking divine. Oh, look, we’re getting some lovely color. This is gonna be mega tits. Now is when you have to be really careful,
and scrape that that shit off the bottom so it doesn’t burn. A little color is nice. Burned is fucked. The piece de resistance: pineapple. Don’t give me any sass. Pineapple. It goes in pizza. It goes in rice. It goes in fucking everything. It’s like chocolate. Yummy nummy nummy nummy. BONUS #1: slightly wilted vegetables are just
perfect for stir-fry. BONUS #2: be sure and keep shit in your cupboard
or in your freezer so you don’t have to go to the grocery store. Fuck that noise! BONUS #3: don’t make so much of it that
you get fucking sick of it (unless, of course, you’re going to a potluck or having company). Now, please give this a thumbs-up. And for fuck’s sake, share it with all your
socials and all your friends and all your family. I can’t wait. That’s a big fuck yeah. [guest speaks: Granny, do you have any cocktail
sauce for that shrimp?] Not in my fried rice. Ding. Ding. Ding, Hit NOTIFICATIONS so you when I have the next
video up. It might be cooking. You never know. Be sure to follow me on the twitter, and the
Facebook, and the Instagram. All that shit. And always, always, always, always, always
remember: Granny Loves You. Mwah. [blows kiss] Check out the other videos
that I recommend and I’ll see you later, fuckers. Do you remember Yummy from the soup? Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, fucking yummy. Yummy, yummy, yummy. [music plays softly]

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100 thoughts on “FASTasFUCK – Fried Rice in 10 minutes

  1. how can anyone give this lady a thumbs down…..this is just…..well it's just great. I haven't laughed this hard in awhile.

  2. I agree with you! I love pineapple/jalapeño pizza 🍕 I have never eaten your recipe before. 🤣 I will have to try it!

  3. I love Granny. I didn't have the honour of knowing any of mine as they died when I was either unborn or born but a tot. But too many F*cks ruin the script so cut the f*cking calories, literally 😉 xx

  4. I hope there's a plush granny we can buy in the future that says catch phrases such as "this is going to be tiiiits" when you squeeze the tummy

  5. Every time she says, "This is gonna be the tits." I die of laughter. It's so great xD I love your videos <3

  6. Shes hilarious asf…. she said "If I like it, it goes in, if not, fuck it" . . . .
    Bahhhh humm bugggg!!!! #GreatGrandmother

  7. She is the female Gordon Ramsay of the kitchen . ahhh . I love you Granny 😂 . Her meals are going to be mega tits . if it's burned it's fucked and you're fucked

  8. Can you be my grandmother? Mine passed away a few month's ago, I'm not looking to replace her I just want another one

  9. I love Slice🍕 and Rice🍚 too
    I love watching their video
    And it also lead me to your channel
    And I subscribed!!!!
    You have such a Savage nerve
    Especially when I was watching the "Hater Cake"😂😂😍

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