-♫ Do not read, do not read ♫ ♫ Do not read these books,
these books ♫ -Now, before we start,
I want you all to know that every book that I´m about
to show you is 100% real. These are actual books. You can find them on Amazon. You can check them out
at your local library. They are real. All right, let´s see
what´s on my “Do not read” list. The first book
is a murder mystery. They´re perfect for the beach.
-Love them. -Yeah, this one´s called
“The Penguin Who Knew Too Much.” [ Laughter ] We´re in good hands,
because it´s from Donna Andrews, the award-winning author
of “No Nest for the Wicket.” -Oh.
[ Laughter ] -Best part of this is the audiobook
is read by Morgan Freeman. -Really?
-Yeah, listen. -No matter how big
a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists,
he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a flipper
and bitch-slaps your head. -All right. I don´t know
about the audiobook. It might be good.
I don´t know. This next one might be
too exciting for you guys. All right, but let´s see.
Here we go. It is “Mathematics for
Engineers,” by Dull. [ Laughter ] Dull is…
[ Cheers and applause ] Let´s look at the front.
Ready for the front cover? Boo-yah! ♫♫ I guess you can
judge a book by its cover. [ Laughter ] [ Rim shot ] Next up is an exercise book.
-Oh, love exercise books. -Yeah, this one is called
“Bathroom Yoga.” [ Laughter ] And it´s for those
who lack the time or space to do yoga anywhere else,
by Jerri Lincoln. There´s Jerri
doing some yoga on a toilet. At least,
I hope that´s what she´s doing. Let´s check out the back here. Oh, look,
there´s a little mascot. It´s a used toilet-paper roll,
saying, “Yoga, yoga, yoga.” [ Laughter ] I´m sure this will
sweep the nation here. I-I started reading this,
and then I got wiped out. -Really?
[ Laughter ] I tried to do yoga
on the toilet. I was pooped.
Too pooped. -This got up to number two
on the best seller´s list. -Did it really?
[ Laughter ] Who publishes it?
-What´s that? -Who publishes that book?
-Uh… [ Laughter ] Oh, this is published by, uh… [ Laughter ] Wait, wait.
Ask me again. -Okay. Who publishes that book? -Oh, this is published
by Little Brown. [ Laughter and applause ] You ever heard of that?
-Yeah. You know, I think it was
the European division. [ Laughter ] Of Little Brown. -Is that —
No, no, that tanked years ago. -Oh, did it, really?
[ Laughter ] -Guys, next up is a book for
all you collectors out there. Yeah.
-Oh. -This is called “Bottle
Collecting in New England,” by John Adams. It doesn´t seem like
a fun hobby, but who knows? Maybe I´m wrong. Let´s look
at the dedication here. It says, “A deepest thanks
to my wife Peggy and my two boys who had to put up with constant
turmoil during the research, photographing, and editing
that went into this book and to all three
for their enthusiasm. [ Laughter ] I don´t think
any of them look that excited. [ Laughter and applause ] Look at this kid over here. [ Laughter ] How excited does he look? -Too much turmoil. -Turmoil finding bottles. This next is a craft book.
-Ooh. -I love those.
Yeah. This one is called
“Return of the Nose Masks.” [ Light laughter ] Apparently, they´re back. I didn´t even know
they were here. But they´re back.
-They´re back. -It says right here —
Look in the corner. It´s for birthdays, the office,
dinner parties, Halloween, even a blind date. [ Light laughter ] “Hey, nice to meet you. I´m Todd, and, uh…
I´m an entrepreneur. [ Laughter ] As you can see,
I´m a totally normal guy. Wait. Why are you leaving?
Why are you leaving? I haven´t even — I haven´t even shown you
all my nose masks!” You´d be bananas to —
[ Laughter ] Nose masks. We´re down to our last one here.
-Aww. -This is a children´s book.
I know. I´m sorry.
All good things… It´s a children´s book. This is called
“Mike and the Magic Cookies.” Nothing weird about it. An old hippie
giving a kid a magic cookie. That´s definitely something
I want to read to my kids. There you go. That´s this edition of my
“Do not read” list. If you have a book that you
think should be on our next “Do not read” list,
I want to see it. Send your titles to our blog
at [email protected]