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Brewstew – Seizure

Alright, this is a story about
when I was 11 years old And my brain decided to go
all screwy and have itself a seizure And seizures aren’t very fun,
I wouldn’t recommend having any Especially if you’re eleven Alright, so my friend Steven is over my house And he brought his dumbass
little brother Matt along with him We’re in my room
Steven’s playing his GameBoy And Matt and I are playing some Pokemon cards,
we’re having a good ol’ time Now normally I would whip Matt’s ass at pokemon
cards six ways to Sunday, but on this day The unimaginable was happening I’m sitting there on the ropes I got my shitty-ass little Weedle card He’s over there, he’s got a Blastoise on steroids Thing’s got like Mark McGwire arms and shit “Let’s hit some dingers!” Jesus Christ, I’m about to lose
to Steven’s Little brother! What kind of piece of shit
loses to Steven’s little brother? So I pick up a card,
I’m hoping for a miracle at this point And lo and behold, a miracle does happen! Everything goes black! I fall over like a sack of potatoes And I start foaming at the mouth
like a wild animal I’m having what some people would call a seizure And I didn’t even get
to have one of the fun seizures You know, when you’re flopping
around like a fish, no I just laid there, half-dead,
eyes wide open, what a ripoff! Now, Steven and Matt, they see
this whole thing and they think I’m faking it “Ah, come on, I was just about to win!” “Stop laying there being an asshole!” Who the hell knows how longI laid
there before my dad finally walked in “Hey, what kind of shit
do you guys want in your hotdogs?” “Woah, what the hell happened to him?” “Uh, I want ketchup!
Ah, yeah, ah, we think your son’s dead” Now, I don’t remember any of this Because my brain doesn’t work anymore apparently The next thing that I did remember is waking up
on the couch with everybody staring at me “What the hell?
Why is everybody staring at me?” What is this? Some kind of
shitty-surprise birthday party? The paramedics bust through the door They carry me to the ambulance,
I’m still completely oblivious to what’s going on “Uh, you know I can walk, right?
I have legs that work” “Yeah, but you don’t have
a fucking brain that works, apparently” So we’re at the hospital, trying to figure out why
my brain suddenly turned into a bowl of mashed potatoes My mom’s absolutely positive
that the reason I had a seizure Was because of all those nights
I stayed up playing Nintendo 64 It was that goddamn Pokeytron Stadium, I know it! But me personally, I know exactly what happened The thought of me losing to
Steven’s stupid-ass little brother was so abstract to my brain
that it tried to explode itself That’s the only logical reason So at this point I have to have an MRI done And if you’ve never had an MRI done before
and you don’t know what the hell on earth this is It’s when they slide into this big tube so they
can take pictures of your broken-ass brain Now, I’m not a claustrophobic person Or maybe I should say:
I wasn’t a claustrophobic person before the MRI There’s something about being strapped down
and put into a giant tube that kinda makes you feel uneasy [I’m never getting out of this thing.
I’m gonna die and stay here forever] So I’m a little apprehensive The nurse comes over and she’s like:
“It’s okay to be nervous” “We’re gonna put some music through
these earbuds to help ease your mind” “What kind of music do you like?” “Uhm, you guys got any Limp Bizkit?” “Uhm, let me check” *clicks the music button* [Do you know the muffin man,
The muffin man, the muffin man] Ah yeah, perfect
As if this couldn’t get any worse So they slide me into this tube of hell “Okay, this machine’s a little noisy,
just try to focus on your music” [BRRRRRRRBBZZZZZZTTTBPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
BUNCH OF RANDOM TORMENTING MRI SOUNDS] Ah yeah, a little noisy, that’s a bit of
an understatement, don’t you think? So much really goddamn Muffin Man,
I can’t hear anything Well, there I am, completely stuck in the tube Listening to R2D2 have loud sex
with a garbage disposal Every now and then the machine would stop
Goddamn Muffin Man would chime back into my ears [BRRRRRRRBBZZZZZZTTTBPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
BUNCH OF RANDOM TORMENTING MRI SOUNDS] [Do you know the muffin man,
BUNCH OF RANDOM TORMENTING MRI SOUNDS] [Do you know the muffin man,
BUNCH OF RANDOM TORMENTING MRI SOUNDS] [Do you know the muffin man,
The muffin man, the muffin man] This goes on for 45 minutes And I’m thinking to myself:
Wow, I never knew this circle of hell existed Lucky me!
[9th Circle of hell: MRI Bullshit] I finally get out of that thing, I’m like:
“Hey, thanks a bunch, guys” “But I think I’d rather have
the seizures then do that shit again” So at this point we had to wait
for the doctor to look at the results And I’m not saying my doctor was stupid,
but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t all the way there “What the hell is this big blobby thing?” “Ah.. That’s the.. That’s the brain, doctor” “Ah yeah, alright!
Well, that’s.. That’s good, right?” “I don’t know” So there I am, waiting to be diagnosed,
hoping I’ll get some answers finally “Ah, man, I hope it’s not brain AIDS!” “I bet I got AIDS in the brain, mom
I should’ve never listened to that Nickelback cd” “Well, I have good news and bad news” “The good news is your son has a brain in his head” “And the bad news is.. Uhhmm…
What was your question again?” “Why did he have a seizure?” “Ah, yeah, that’s right” “Uhm, we don’t really know!” So now I have to get an EEG Test
[Electroencephalogram Test] And an EEG Test is when they glue
a bunch of electrodes to your head And they sit you in front of a strobe light I remember thinking of strobe light: “Oh my God, they’re trying
to make me have a seizure now!” “What a bunch of assholes?!” “Okay, just sit back and relax, we’re just
gonna shine a few lights in your eyeballs” [STROBE LIGHT MACHINEGUN FIRE] “How are you feeling?
Are you feeling a little seizury?” “Uh, no. But I’m feeling like
my goddamn brain’s gonna explode” “Ah, man. I thought you’d be
flopping all over the floor by now” “Well, I guess we can hit you in the head
with this frying pan and see, what happens” So after all this hellacious testing My doctor concludes that he
doesn’t really know why I had the seizure “Sometimes your brain’s just stupid, I guess.
I don’t know. What do I look like? A doctor?” So I never figured out why,
and I never had a seizure since then But there’s one good thing that came
from this whole shitty mess And that was from then on I can always
fake a seizure and get out of losing any game “Aha, checkmate, I win!” “Oh, God damn it, not again!” Special Thanks to: Cameron J, Vinnie Pretet,
Marcus Johnson, Bobby Luu, Wesley Rocco Special Thanks to: Steven Meekel,
Matthew Dodd, Kevin Scannell, James Walker Special Thanks to all the other patrons!

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100 thoughts on “Brewstew – Seizure

  1. Iv had one of those and same here, the nurse asked what music Id like, I sad some AC/DC and the nurse put on these shit that was NOT AC/DC.

  2. Petition to get brewstew to make a diss track on the all Storytime Animators he can get his stick figure hands on.

  3. I have once been on those machines and when they asked what I want to listen I asked where you gonna play it from like you got spotify or some shit over there and they goes like ye we're not allowed to play any copyright music so I'm like well shit play what you play and they start playing some peaceful classic shit and as friend of all music I just all sudden fall a sleep damn I was on deep sleep probably tripping on some other universe and I dont liked to be waken up I get angry and start half panik half be ready to beat up someone like it would be fucking armageddon going to happen and shit is going to turn into mad max so there I am sleeping deeply like a dead baby seal and they wake me up and im like holy shit what? What?! What's happening where am I who the fuck was that ? and i'm ready to jump on this nurse like a fucking Cujo ready to bite her ear off or some shit till I get my eyes open little bit more to see actually whats going on and im like 5 more minutes but sadly they didnt let me sleep anymore later I heard you shouldnt sleep on that machine because it might ruin the pictures if you move and im like thanks for the warning why no one didnt told me that shit back then i'm champion when it comes to sleep in places you shouldnt like a fucking classroom or probably while driving car if I had driver licence

    ♫ know the muffi- ♫
    ♫ -in man t-♫
    ♫ muffin man ♫


  5. 3:00 ikr it is soooo noisy like OMG i could not hear the music they gave me when they did this to me ,-,

  6. For anyone fearing an MRI:

    It’s not actually that bad. It’s not great, but it’s not “Hell on earth”.

    His description was fucking hilarious, though.

    “R2-D2 having loud sex with a garbage disposal.”

  7. Had the same thing happen to me except I wouldn't stop screaming uncontrollably like an idiot on the floor🤦

  8. Dude same , I had all those things done but I was never told why I had them . But I also knew that I panicked in my situation that’s why I had a seizure

  9. My aunt has one of them LG phones and she was playing a card game and she said everything went to black in the middle of playing

  10. Whao… This is weirdly relevant, except my name is Stephen, and instead of Pokemon cards, I was trying to sell workout DVD's to some asshole while working at a call center. Everything else was exactly the same.

  11. Brain aids.. I knew I shouldn’t listed to that nickel back CD… 🤣🤣🤣THATS FUNNY AS HELL… but that’s actually true..

  12. Brew:So there I was, laying strapped down listening to R2 D2 having loud S E X with a garbage disposal..

    Me: wait what

  13. For a person with seizures and has not taken my tablet tonight I’m a little uneasy that I just watch those strobe lights

  14. Just had a seizure and this is all right. And the glue shit that they use to attach the wires to your head with doesn't come outa your hair

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