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5 Steps to End Obsessive Thoughts & Anxiety + BOOST Attraction! Adrienne Everheart


hey everyone I’m Adrienne Everheart your
feminine energy dating and relationship coach today I’m going to talk about three (3)
steps you want to take if you find yourself obsessing about a man you
really just cannot stop thinking about and I’ve certainly been there you lose
sleep you feel like you can’t eat or maybe all you want to do is eat and your
mind just won’t stop racing today I’m going to share with you exactly how to
use feminine energy techniques so that you can stop the obsession and anxious
thoughts so with obsession and obsessing over a
man and having really anxious thoughts about him you really can get stuck in a
daze that lasts days weeks months maybe even a year of your life you can get
stuck into this reptilian brain where you’re problem-solving and that’s a big
part of obsession is that there’s actually this really intelligent part of
you for your survival that is teaching you how to solve a big problem now a big
thing about feminine energy is that I actually get you to be back in your body
one of the things that’s happened to you is just over the years you have learned
I have to be tough I have to be strong I have to numb up my body and get through
this and I can out.thank anything and that actually disconnects you from your
body that’s more getting into your boy energy and your problem-solving energy
so if we are going to get you back into your body and back into what you’re
feeling where you’re not numb you’re definitely going to experience a shift
where the mind isn’t taking over as much and this is exactly where obsession lies
now one of the big mistakes we make with obsessive thought and anxious thinking
is that we believe if we actually think about it long enough we can solve this
problem we can figure out what went wrong or how to avoid it from happening
again and again this is the reptilian brain it has had you know surviving for
centuries except now it’s with a relationship and it’s with a man also
sometimes session becomes just a way to pacify
your loneliness and it gives you a little bit of solace it helps soothe you
because you really do miss this person but as long as they’re up there and
their thoughts and your thinking about them
it gives you a little bit of a pacifies some of that loneliness you’re feeling
being separated from them the downside to all of this is that it will really be
a downward spiral into more anxiety and depression and we want to get you out of
that place it is not going to be attractive to the man or any future man
as long as you are in this obsessive place where you’re hoping and wishing he
will come back or you’re trying to figure out what went wrong or whatever
it may be so the big step in this is that we’re gonna boost your
attractiveness getting you back in your feminine energy getting you to a place
where you are attractive to all men to all men including the man that you have
your mind on so much so the first thing I want you to do step one to end
obsessive and anxious thoughts is I just want you to accept that your brain is a
problem-solving machine and that it’s constantly chasing the answer of why or
how to avoid something or make it so that this doesn’t happen again to you so
whenever those thoughts pop it into your head
such as you know why did he leave me or what did I do to make this happen or
your brain might tell you all the wonderful memories you had with this
person so the first step is be aware of what your brain is just kind of throwing
at you you know anything a love song can remind you of a person a food a
restaurant your bedroom all sorts of things will trigger memories of this
person and so you might be doing these every single minute of the day at first
but worry not it gets easier depending on you know how intense the obsession is
so what I want you to do is when you have the thought about that person first
thing is say oh there goes my brain again there goes my brain again is just
trying to help me survive it’s just trying to help me problem-solve
it’s helping me figure this out or it might be a
there goes my brain again telling me what could make me feel happy right now
it’s kind of like when you’re trying to quit smoking or give up a bad habit your
brain will go to that as a solution and that’s just your brain doing its job to
help you survive and feel happy so notice what it’s doing and just say oh
there goes my brain again it’s telling me that I miss John and I should just
pick up my phone and call him and it’s gonna give you suggestions like this so
notice them and then I want you to just tap your brain tap your head and say
thank you for that suggestion but I’m the adult and I’m in control that’s all
you have to do tap yourself like thank you for the
suggestion I appreciate that I’m the adult I’m in control and you are not
gonna be picking up your cell phone to call that person or drive past their
house or go to their job or whatever it may be or continue to obsess about that
person because you know it is not healthy for you you know it’s not
helping you and you’re the grown adult of you you set the rules and the
boundaries here okay now your brain your brain it’s got you set on survival so
that’s step one step two it’s going to be about really understanding that you
have experienced some trauma now trauma is a very tricky thing
because the body really holds on to an experience or memory and it may be just
one traumatic event of one person walking out on you this may have been
how you spent your entire childhood you may have traumatic events that are
building just one on top of another on top of another and obsessive thinking
will really get you into this place of again figuring out what has happened to
me what’s gone wrong and how can I fix it so step two is about really
understanding the trauma that you have been through are going through or that
this triggered in you so I often talk about the artist the man that I knew
after my first husband and in between meeting my second husband and this man
really just walked into my life help me get my husband out of my life
kind of pushing it along encouraging me looking back I really wouldn’t have done
that I also spent a lot of time with him instead of taking care of things around
my house or in my own life or my personal well-being I was putting his
well-being first and consequently I lost my job I suffered a major health crisis
and I lost a beloved pet of mine now all of those things could have happened
anyway I understand but I again it was trauma and I can kind of look back and
see how one bad decision just kind of led to another so when he came over to
my house and just said I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore and walked
right out the door and never talked to me again you can imagine that all of
those little mini traumas suddenly compounded on me and I became fixated on
him as the solution to my trauma so a big thing that you want to do is accept
the trauma and begin to process it a big thing you want to understand what trauma
is what is it you’re afraid of where is the fear happening now currently what
does it feel like in your body so the thing that we want to do with
understanding this is you’re gonna get really real with yourself because you’re
going to friends you’re going to people you’re living in this world of your mind
with obsessive thinking and you’re really not getting any relief and people
will just kind of hand out advice to you like oh you’ll get over it and enough
time and after you date enough guys you’ll be okay
and they’ll give you this sort of advice but the truth is is that obsession can
really really continue to reach Ramat eyes yourself the more you revisit
anything that happened from the past so I want you to become aware of what that
trauma was in your life you can find out if it’s associated to any other traumas
you know for example if you were abandoned by a parent and then you’re
abandoned by someone you love it’s gonna be feel very similar you may have been
cheated on multiple times in your life by many different men and now you’re
obsessing about you know will I get cheated on again will this
and again with this person and so this way what we’re doing we’re getting
clarity a goddess a feminine energy woman is very realistic she’s a top on
her pedestal she has a bird’s-eye view of everything
going on around her she is very much in reality so this is the second step is
assessing this trauma understanding that yes this has been traumatic for me and
I’m stuck in a loop with this thinking so now that you know the trauma is and
you’ve identified it it’s very important to make yourself feel safe and enough
safety is anything that adult grown adult you in your body not the you
that’s pushing everything down and obsessing and worrying but adult you put
some things in place to take care of yourself
a big one for me was making sure I had enough support I would isolate myself
and the more I would isolate myself the more pain I would feel so I had to make
sure I had enough support people I was seeking out people relationships and
experiences that felt good to me that was a painting class a dance class I was
exercising more doing group exercise something I had never done before I was
seeking out groups and social events I otherwise wouldn’t have done I was also
making sure I got enough sleep and enough rest you may need to re-examine
your diet make sure you’re eating well you’re creating a safe world for
yourself so that you can heal from this trauma step 3 you’re gonna create a new
contract with this person when my husband and I before we were married we
had a lot of on-again off-again and I really felt like I would never love
anyone as much as him and it would never work out with anybody
else but him yet he wasn’t there we were suffering from separation and just
distance in the relationship and so I had to make a new agreement with him and
I really encourage you to journal and write this one out because you have
agreements in place with this person that you are in love with or obsessing
about one of those agreements might be I will never love anyone again or I will
never love someone as much as you or no one will
ever make love to me and make me as happy as you once did that’s an
agreement you had with that person so you’re actually gonna write out a new
agreement and we’re going to talk about what you need and I want you to end the
agreement with that person so I want you to ask yourself what is it that you want
in this new contract in this new agreement with this person what is it
that you’re looking for in a relationship so your new contract would
sound something like this Dear John I am renegotiating our
contract since this or that is no longer happening
I want to renegotiate this contract because I need this or that in a loving
relationship with a man and this is where you want to get really clear about
what it is you need in a relationship I need regular contact I need to be able
to have a conversation and work out difficult moments I want to feel good
and loved I want to know that my person lives very near me and we can date each
other regularly a couple of times a week and since we’re not having that in this
previous contract I am ending that contract I’m ending that agreement and
I’m writing myself a new one ladies do this journaling exercise it
will help you so much as far as getting back in touch with what it is you want
versus what that man has been giving you obsessive thinking is gonna make you
fixate on what they didn’t do and how you can fix that I get you back in your
body this is what feminine energy is all about I get you back in your body and
connecting to what’s important for you step 4
I want you to create a new routine one of the best ways to get out of obsessive
and anxious thinking is to get new routines in your life now you might
think oh this sounds too easy to work or I don’t have time to make a new routine
but it’s as simple as driving home from work a different direction shopping at a
different grocery store or if you go to the grocery store one way drive a
different way and work backwards in the grocery store instead of how you
normally shop you can switch hands that you brush your teeth with sleep on the
other side of your bed and definitely disrupt your routine move
furniture around in your house things that are going to continually feel the
same aren’t going to allow you room and space to change so it’s really important
you got to change things up and you got to make new changes in your life they’re
gonna feel uncomfortable and different but it’s gonna disrupt that obsessive
thinking now if you don’t have time to really set about doing a lot of new
routines just right now while it’s fresh on your mind
I want you to pause this video and write down three to five things around your
house or in your life you’ve just been wanting to do now don’t write down
anything too big like oh I’ve always wanted to take that trip to Italy or
whatever it may be just write down some small things you maybe have been meaning
to frame some photos of some loved ones or your diploma you may have been
wanting to finish reading a book or start a new project whatever it is clean
out a closet or really organize a particular drawer in your house go ahead
and just jot those down and put those somewhere where you can see them and
this week make sure you do at least one of those that’s gonna give you a sense
of accomplishment you’re really making progress with your life and the best
part you’re getting out of obsessive thinking that is not attractive and not
helping you a long-term step five now this is my most important step I want to
share with you and that is called your phrases of truth I want you to have
phrases of truth a few minutes ago I talked about how feminine energy is in
her body you are aware of what you are feeling
you’re also aware you have thoughts but you’re not living up here in your brain
in your boy energy your in your body you’re connecting to your body and what
you feel and your sensations and it is very truthful your body does not often
lie do you know your heart can even lie to you you can actually want something
and desire something it feels like it’s in your body but it’s really just
sometimes insecurities fueling those desires but when you’re really in your
body you connect with what you feel you connect to does this have a greater good
is this gonna be healthy for me long term you can feel it when you learn how
to connect with your body so that’s what phrases of truth do for you is that
they’re actually a way to connect that boy energy to that girl energy because
the boy energy is gonna be very factual adult is all about facts and that’s
exactly what we’re gonna set up for you so again this is an exercise where you
want to write these down so you can keep them in your pocket and read them a
couple of times a day and remind yourself of your phrases of truth
now what are your phrases of truth my phrases of truth sounded something like
this if he really loved me he’d be here if he really wanted to have
a family with me he would do exactly that my man would contact me and reach
out to me if he really wanted to fix things if he truly loved me he would
treat me with love so now that you have four or five examples of phrases of
truth I want you to come up with your own you can use the examples that I’ve
given you or come up with your own it could be something like if he really
loved me if you really wanted to build a relationship with me he would be doing
blank and and he would be doing it he would be taking action
those are your absolute phrases of truth what does this do
it gets you out of the obsessive mind of getting into his psychology his
psychology is none of your business why he’s doing this why he’s wounded why
he’s unable to love someone else or move on or introduce you to his kids or
whatever his excuses are it’s not your problem
you have your phrases of truth you know what you need you know what you want
that makes you very bright alluring and attractive because you are not focused
on this guy’s world as long as you’re focused on his world and in obsessive
thought you’re not gonna be attractive to him and you’re not gonna be
attractive to any man out there and if you do attract minute that phase in your
life they are gonna be men that are drawn to you because you’re down in the
dumps and you don’t want those guys either no quick mantra I want to leave
you with after you complete any of these exercises or just throughout your day I
want you to remind yourself that you love yourself and I know it might sound
really hokey but if you can look in the mirror and just
say to yourself I love you I’m healing and I’m gonna get through this and
remind yourself I am getting through this I am healing and I do love you and
remind yourself these wonderful things you feel about yourself we can really
beat ourselves up in relationships and blame ourselves and again get obsessed
about the man and what he’s doing but we are returning to a place of self-love
where you are the most important person it has to start with you in order for
trauma obsessions and any sort of negativity in your life to be healed you
have to return to loving yourself more than you love that man you want to
return to loving yourself foremost and putting the things that are important in
your life the things that you desire the things that have purpose in your life
you want to put those first and that’s gonna bring you a lot of happiness and
ease ladies thank you so much for joining me today on how to end obsession
and really negative anxious thinking I want you to check out some of my other
programs and I also have a free group on Facebook called “I heart love Academy” now
I have a best-selling ebook, “500 ways to talk to a man” and I have a wonderful
program called the “ABCs to get him back” where again the focus is more on you but
in most cases the person ends up attracting their man back in their life
or the man they’re meant to be with so take a moment and check those out and as
always I love to hear from you in the comments
and if you liked this video don’t forget to give it a thumbs up or share it with
someone who you love and care about that can really get help from the message in
this video much love everybody bye bye

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48 thoughts on “5 Steps to End Obsessive Thoughts & Anxiety + BOOST Attraction! Adrienne Everheart

  1. FIVE Steps to help you heal <3 Learn more in "500 Ways" http://bit.ly/500waysbook

    1:14 Get Out of Your Mind & Back In Your Body
    3:19 Accept That Your Brain is a Problem-Solving Machine
    5:45 Understanding the Experience of Trauma
    10:22 Create a New Agreement with Your Partner
    12:43 Create New Routines
    14:37 Review Your "Phrases of Truth"

  2. Put my reminder on .Love your work . Your new man manifesto program is healing me and I am so inspired to help other women too ❤️

  3. This is exactly what I need. 10 months since I first talked to my man online and almost 8 months since our first date, we are exclusive. I'm in love with him, but he hasn't said he loves me. My anxiety is through the roof right now.

  4. A very big one for me , having a hard time getting him and the relationship memories out of my thoughts, And feel a tremendous amount of anxiety , emotions, grief (pain)

  5. I’m so excited for this! I got my man back after about 3 weeks… I’m struggling with how much should I be vulnerable about (that was one cause of the split) when it comes to me being anxious about our relationship (feelings of not enough, worrying he’s gonna ghost/leave-all
    Based on my past)… do I say I’m feeling these ways when I am or work on it alone? (I’m starting to work on it thanks to your other programs I have)

  6. What it the obsessive thoughts are because we are in love he tells me he thinks about me all day and day dreams about me and I do the same…not sure if this is good or bad

  7. Wow thank you for sharing!! I’ve gone to therapy for about a year and this is all I ever truly needed to hear ❤️ I never got homework until now.

  8. Yay! I needed this so badly! Obsessive thoughts control my life and, in the past, have done major damage to my relationships. My feelings tend to be very level, but my thoughts give me all of these “what ifs” and drive me crazy! I’m totally trying this technique!

  9. I don’t understand I’ve been with my « hostBrother » from exchange student living with him 4 month and having two amazing weeks of vacation perfect really perfect normally with boyfriend I get bored of them over like 2 weeks but with him we lived 24/7 together and I don’t get bored just when I went to my new host family house and I’m anxious to a level of 8 if I like him or not really worst anxiety when he is just perfect for me why am I questionning I I like him when two days ago I was over the moon and how to change that

  10. this was useful, as obsessive thoughts can happen often..I want a video on how to battle anxiety in general, or be feminine despite it

  11. I love that you are trauma-informed and teaching trauma resolution that's easy to understand. If you get the chance to check it out, Peter Levine has a quick read called "Healing Trauma." It has an accompaniment CD that leads you through super simple somatic exercises to get you in your body and resolve trauma without doing memory work. It's really a great resource!

  12. For all you ladies, I love approaching U……. HOWEVER, ONLY REASON I MAY CHOSE TO BE EXPLICIT IS MAINLY……..WHY' KNOTT' ME!!!!…..OPPOSE TO THA' OTHER GUY, WHO GETS U,……JOCK'🏈🥊⚾️. MENTALITY…..YET' SOMETIMES I'M THA' OTHER MAN ……IN OTHER words……LESS, IS MORE, OR LATER U, CAN BE' EXPLICIT….COMMUNICATE…..COMPLIMENT…..& Ladies in THA' BAR!!???? OR YOUNG!!!??? NOT' IMPORTANT…..SO focus on Self, be comfortable with thatz…..PLUS' I'M ……. VERY XXX🌷🕊️EXXXPLICIT…….🏆♥️🌷 LADIES.!!…🌷🌷🐞🐞🐞..35YRS AND UP!!!!

  13. Great tips! I will do the list of next changes of my routine..I have some things in my mind! You always help me a lot☝️😘❤

  14. Oh wow. Can't believe I only just found you. You're so smart and truthful, this is immensely helpful. Thank you!

  15. Adrienne, i have to thank you. I have been with my guy for 6 months now and although we’ve been good, i really felt something was out of ballance on my part. I came asross your videos and i love it! Everything has so much sence. I started leaning back, practising warmth and caring for myself first and using feel statements, without having my energy all on my guy. I feel more conected to him and yesterday he told me he loved me for the first time! I feel so happy! Thank you!

  16. This is another great advice from a great woman! You are so wise, crystal clear and lovely! Thank you Adrienne!
    Advice no. 2 and 4 seem sort of near: finding out and doing things that can help you out of pain, and setting them as a new routine, what do you think? Or one is about a let's say material routine and then the other about a mental choice?

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