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2015 Halloween HIkes – Muskrat Love


We’re live in 3, 2, 1! Hello and welcome to another episode of Muskrat Love! I’m you host, Woodchuck Woolery. We’ve got a great group of bachelors for you to meet tonight. And heeeeerrree they are! Our first bachelor loves spending time out on the water, and he has the longest tail on the Des Plaines river! Although he still lives with his parents, he says he’s willing to swim upstream and build a lodge of his own for that special someone. Ladies and Gentlemen, give a warm welcome for…. Muskrat Sam! Coming in all the way from Kramer Cabin at Ryerson Woods is Bachelor #2. With more bucks than Donald Trump, he’s an avid supporter of the Brushwood Center! Voted “Bow and Arrows” most eligible buck of 2015, he says he’s looking for a date because he’s tired of going stag. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome Bachelor #2! Our last bachelor, Peter Opossum is a world renowned…..uh….hello? Uh, we’ll folks let’s hope he’s just playing opossum! And now it’s time to welcome our lovely Bachelorette, Muskrat Susie! A native species from the United States and Canada, she is currently a cattail waitress down at the local watering hole. Her hobbies include, synchronized swimming, spending time with her 23 brothers and sisters, and…blogging!? Thanks for being with us tonight. Thanks Chuck! You’ll have a chance to ask our bachelors questions and then take one lucky fella out on a date. Let’s begin! Alright, Bachelor #1, I love swimming and spending time under water. How long can you hold your breath? Well Susie, I love me some mussels, and I’m not just talking about these babies. But I can stay underwater for about 20 minutes looking for ’em! Moving on, I sometimes get mistaken for a beaver but my tail is much longer than a beavers and skinnier and I use it a rudder when I’m swimming. It helps me swim through all the carp at Independence Grove. How do you use YOUR tail? Tough subject! But that’s a TALE for another show! Bachelor #3, how do you know when you’re in love? Uh….looks like he’s still out I hear opossums can play dead for up to FOUR HOURS! Bachelor #1, I’m looking to have 5-6 litters by the time I’m three. ((spits water)) How would you provide for your family? Uh well, Susie, I work in construction so I would build us a 2-chamber lodge. Anything else? Uh, it would have a white picket fence? And we could find ourselves a place in the suburbs with some nice schools of fish to swim with and cattails…and I’m not talking processed, we’ll go uh we’ll go gluten free, and we’ll go, non-GMO, and we’ll go free-range, and organic, always organic, cattails. I only ever eat organic cattails. Now bachelor #2, muskrats were once hunted for their fur and in Illinois you can still trap Muskrats. How do you feel about hunting? Susie, It’d BEHOOVE you to be a little more sensitive! Bachelor #3, a major predator of muskrats is the mink, how would you defend me from any minks that swim by? I don’t know, Susie, he doesn’t exactly seem like…a man of action. Alright, you can ask our bachelors just ONE more question. Bachelor #1, what habitat do you prefer? Uh, well right now I live in a river with my Mom, shout-out to mom, hey mom! But I would be willing to inhabit a pond, a lake, stream, marsh, or other wetland. I would live in any of those as long as we don’t have to live with your Mom. Bachelor #2: Other dates in the past have tried to buy their way into my heart, but I’m not in it for the dough, What’s something romantic you would do for me? Are the headlights on in there? He must be a little nervous with a lady fawning all over him. Bachelor #3: I’m always swimming and I’m always on my feet at the cattail lounge, How do you stay active? I’m not so sure that he does. Alright Susie, the time has come for you to choose your lucky bachelor. Who is it going to be? Well, Chuck they were all so charming. If you say so Alright well maybe our studio audience can help you out. Who do you think Susie should choose? Go ahead shout it out! ((numbers are shouted)) Alright, looks like the crowd has spoken…Muskrat Susie? Well, they seem like they have pretty good taste, I’ll go with #1! ((cheers)) Alright let’s bring out our lucky bachelor, Muskrat Sam! Susie, it’s so nice to meet you I’m sorry if I smell, it’s just my natural musk. We’ll hopefully love with keep us together. ((music starts playing)) We’ll folks it looks like Muskrat love We’ll be sending these two love-rats on a wonderful weekend getaway to the Lakewood Forest Preserve. There, they can jitterbug over miles of scenic trails, or warm up inside the Discovery Museum! Each night they’ll have a romantic cattail dinner at their choice of three five-star lakes Including the world-renowned Banana Lake Bistro! This vacation is brought to you by our sponsor “The Right Stuff” for all your taxidermy needs. We’ll see you next week, folks. Thanks for tuning in! Coming up next, cider and donuts, stay tuned for more!

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